Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Impatience and Peace
Thanks to the neighbors, this is the view that greets me each time I leave the apartment. Ah. Breathe. California has some of the most beautiful flowers with the most vibrant colors and it feeds my soul to lay eyes on them everyday. These are the things that keep me from becoming too frustrated in the midst of job searching. I haven't written about my experience in this area and I won't dwell on it now but I'd like to say, if one needs an ego-buster, try job searching. My plan was to move to LA, temp for a few months, add to the savings, travel internationally, come back to the states and look for a permanent job. Things have not worked out as I planned so I find myself making different decisions and re-evaluating my future.
Travel is the piece that is most concerning to me. I've never traveled internationally before and while I'm really nervous about doing it solo, I can't wait to see the world! My thoughts of spending 3 months or more in a culture have shifted to 10 days, anything just to be "there." I've been reading lots of blogs written by various people living in other parts of the world and living vicariously through them. But, perhaps selfishly, I want my own experience and like a two year old, I WANT IT NOW! On more than once occasion, I've come quite close to hitting the "buy" button on a flight to Italy. If only I could guarantee I'd have a job when I got back, I wouldn't mind going into debt over this trip. Of course, there are no guarantees. I just don't want to be one of those people so tied to the pocket book that they don't take risks or follow their hearts because of the "what ifs." I'm not much of a risk-taker, especially when it comes to money, so intentional debt is a difficult choice for me. It feels irresponsible.
So with all the noise in my brain over travel, employment, money, risks, and dreams, I'm grateful for the nature that surrounds me and offers serenity.