Life is a bit unruly right now and therefore, not leaving me much time for writing on this blog. I'm not sure if it's lack of time or energy but the end result has been the same...long delays between posts. It's sad because it's something I enjoy and after reading through some old posts today, I was reminded that I write more for myself than for anyone else. So why do I make public? Good question and one to ponder at another time.
I have been making time to write here because of the commitment I made to be part of a team of fantastic women and I want to be as supportive as possible while also keeping my generous supporters up to date with my progress. Marathon training is quite time consuming but it's good for me. Exercise gives me an outlet to release my emotions from the day, be they good or bad and obviously, it gives my body strength and everyone knows that's important. Reading my posts from last season was fun and even informative. I can see how far I've come in my understanding of my body, my mind, my limitations, my strength. Over the past couple weeks, I found myself becoming gradually more frustrated. Why can't I run farther than this? Why are my friends, who haven't completed a marathon before (or any race in some cases,) able to run much farther/faster than me? I'm proud of them but what's wrong with me? I had many judgements for myself and I was slowing building resentment against my own body. Reading these old training entries somehow allowed me to accept my body, recognize my improvements and accomplishments and let go of the unspoken expectations I had placed on myself for this season. I'm sure I'll need reminders of this along the way but for today, I'm ready to move on, focused and determined but gracious.