Friday, June 27, 2008

History Becomes My Teacher

Life is a bit unruly right now and therefore, not leaving me much time for writing on this blog. I'm not sure if it's lack of time or energy but the end result has been the same...long delays between posts. It's sad because it's something I enjoy and after reading through some old posts today, I was reminded that I write more for myself than for anyone else. So why do I make public? Good question and one to ponder at another time.

I have been making time to write here because of the commitment I made to be part of a team of fantastic women and I want to be as supportive as possible while also keeping my generous supporters up to date with my progress. Marathon training is quite time consuming but it's good for me. Exercise gives me an outlet to release my emotions from the day, be they good or bad and obviously, it gives my body strength and everyone knows that's important. Reading my posts from last season was fun and even informative. I can see how far I've come in my understanding of my body, my mind, my limitations, my strength. Over the past couple weeks, I found myself becoming gradually more frustrated. Why can't I run farther than this? Why are my friends, who haven't completed a marathon before (or any race in some cases,) able to run much farther/faster than me? I'm proud of them but what's wrong with me? I had many judgements for myself and I was slowing building resentment against my own body. Reading these old training entries somehow allowed me to accept my body, recognize my improvements and accomplishments and let go of the unspoken expectations I had placed on myself for this season. I'm sure I'll need reminders of this along the way but for today, I'm ready to move on, focused and determined but gracious.

3 comments:

Heidi K. said...

Hey Amy--I hope you don't get too discouraged, because you need to know what an encouragement and inspiration you've been to me! I feel like I'm wimping out doing the half marathon, and I'm so impressed with you!! You're like our Houghton team captain . . .

amy said...

Thanks for that, Heidi. This was/is all my own stuff so I hope you know that I'm genuinely proud of each of you and the growth you've experienced in your running. I'm inspired and motivated by your progress. I've got years of "stuff" to work through and this is another opportunity to lighten the load. :)

Kim said...

Amy-I know how you are feeling. I've thought the same things before. What I need to realize and appreciate is that I am ABLE to even do it-thank God for that! I need to learn how to appreciate my body as well and thank it for letting me pound it in the ground all the time and have it rebound for me to do it again.