Monday, November 10, 2008
At The Moment I'm Freaking Out
Unfortunately, I freak out more than I'd like to admit. I prefer pretending I'm strong and able to "go with the flow" but the truth is I'm mostly a mess. At least, that's how I feel today. I've been on a quest for contentment and balance most of my life. It alludes me still. I don't know what it will take for me to be fulfilled in life, to make the decisions necessary to bring me the happiness I so desire, to find the thing(s) that I seem to be missing. I often look back and try to discover where I went wrong. When was I supposed to learn the thing most everyone else seems to have learned? How did I end up this alone and this paralyzed? How do I move forward? How do I know which steps to take next? I know life isn't easy but is it supposed to be this hard? I don't know how to measure that, I suppose. I know in many ways I'm lucky and have little or no right to complain considering what so many others have to endure on a daily basis. Sometimes I appreciate that, sometimes I can't see beyond my own pain. At the moment, I'm freaking out but tomorrow will be better. I hope.