Thursday, May 27, 2010

Scared Silly

I did a silly thing. (Oh, for the purpose of this post "silly" means "scary." It will freak me out less, right?) I know it won't seem silly to those of you who don't live in my head which, admittedly, is all of you but I find it a wee bit terrifying. Maybe there are a few of you who have walked a similar path or had a similar life experience, one where artistically you have been squashed like a bug. If so, I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know it's incredibly difficult and can take a long time to recover. In my case, it's been years and I'm still recovering...actively recovering now.

I'm proud of the steps I've taken over the last 4+ months and can see my artistic self reemerging more everyday. It's exciting and silly as I approach each new step. As I've mentioned, I've been studying voice again and loving it. This time around I have a better sense of who I am and what I want to be learning and singing. It's fantastic. I'm learning a lot and trying new things but I haven't sung outside of my voice teachers studio yet so it's all still very safe.

Musical theatre is the thing I fell in love with as a little girl and that is one of the few things in my life that hasn't changed. The Tony Awards is practically a national holiday in my world! It's my taste of NY theatre and I look forward to it every year. Doesn't everyone?! Well, this is where the silly thing I did comes into to play. I uploaded a video of myself singing and entered a contest to win a trip to NY/Tony Awards. I wasn't going to tell you about it. (Notice it took me 3 paragraphs of blah, blah, blah to even tell you what I did?!) It was going to be my little way of putting myself out there again, secretly entering the world of performing without my family and friends knowing. It was safer that way. Well, screw being safe! I've been safe for far too long and isn't life all about taking risks? I have a million and one disclaimers I want to shout out loud about this video and my performance but I'm not going to do that. I'll just tell you that this is my first step towards making my first public appearance in a very long time. It's silly but empowering and if just one person enjoys even one note or gets a tiny bit of something positive out of listening/watching, I'll be thrilled. And even if they don't, I'm proud of myself. I feel like on my way to something...hopefully great. This is gonna be fun!

So, this link will take you to my video entry and if you feel so inclined, check it out and vote! (The first voting phase ends at 11:59am PST/2:59pm EST on June 1st.) Gotta start somewhere, why not at the Tonys?

Oh man, I just got nervous.