At The Moment

12 Days of Freedom

2011-01-29T17:10:00.000-08:00

Or torture? Okay, that sounds dramatic but yikes, this detox was worse than any other one. Either that or it's like childbirth pain, you forget after you see that beautiful little face for the first time. Of course, here there's no beautiful face at the end so "time" is the only other logical explanation for possibly forgetting. Regardless, it was rough with relentless headaches and depression! What?! I know it sounds crazy and maybe it is but I swear the mood swings I experienced in the first 9 days were most similar to depression...lots of lows, no highs. I mentioned it to a co-worker who has also stopped drinking caffeine and he said he experienced a lot of aggression when he detoxed so it seems like maybe I'm not crazy. Maybe depression is a side effect for some people who quit coffee cold turkey. I'm not a doctor, this is just the best way I can describe my experience.

I'm happy to report that the depression has passed and I'm back to my normal self. What a relief! I feel pretty good overall. I'm sleeping better and feel more calm. There have been many times when I've wished for more energy but I could get that from working out which seems like a better option than coffee. Although, regular exercise has always been an enormous hurdle for me, I can say that at the very least, I've begun to walk 2 miles after work. I did that 3 times this week. It's been so beautiful out that after sitting inside a high rise all day, it's so nice to get some fresh LA air and move my legs for a couple miles. I'm not sure it counts as exercise but it's movement so it can't be bad. I hope to continue this practice, it's good for so many reasons.

As far as coffee is concerned, I miss the taste for sure so I can see myself enjoying a cup once in a while. But I hope not everyday. It would make a nice treat and one of these days, I'll allow myself to indulge. Honestly, though, I haven't craved it so I'll wait which will make it taste that much better. Ahhhh.

Caffeine Detox

2011-01-19T09:14:00.000-08:00

Once in a while, I decide it would be good for me to cut out caffeine. Why do this to myself? Excellent question and I'm not exactly sure of the answer. I think it has something to do with wondering how much a substance truly affects me, something to do with control (I'm stronger than this cup of delicious perfection, right?), and something to do with the idea of cleansing and starting anew. I have no idea at all if there are any health benefits to this, in fact, the opposite might be more accurate if you ask my co-workers!

I start every day with a large cup of coffee. Slowing sipping the lifegiving potion for most of the morning. Many people think I don't need to detox, that I'm not that big of a coffee drinker. And I'm sure their right, I'm an average coffee user. So why is it that on day 2 of this detox, I feel like I'm going to die? Day 1, no big deal. I was dragging a bit in the afternoon and noticed a headache just before bed but that was it. Today, different story. Constant headache, exhausted, sluggish, and honestly, feeling kind of angry. How sad is that? We're talking about a beverage! Ugh, that's so frustrating to me. It's frustrating because I genuinely adore the taste of coffee. I don't drink it because I want the energy but it's part of the package.

In the past I've gone for long periods of time without coffee. This time, I'll be happy to make it a week. Next Tuesday can't come soon enough.

P.S. Ibuprofen does not help the headaches. Not at all.
P.P.S. Starting detox so close to a full moon is not recommended.

Mini-Missions Accomplished

2010-09-03T19:59:00.000-07:00

Mini-Mission #1: I completed my first musical theatre workshop in LA, well anywhere really. Last night was our final class and while every week, I considered turning around and heading home because I was so nervous I thought I'd be sick, I didn't. I showed up & that's a start.

Mini-Mission #2: I got through an audition with more success than ever before in my adult life. After college, the few auditions I attended were complete disasters. I let my nerves and past negative experiences overwhelm me and I wasn't able to present any of my actual self or talent. Last night was our final class and it was a mock audition with a local casting director. Sure, there are things I would like to do differently but I was there- me, my voice, my personality, even my mistakes. Nerves were there too but I didn't allow them to take control.

Mini-Mission #3: I sang in front of a casting director, a real one. I didn't know this was a mission I wanted to complete but in the midst of this experience, I realized I did and that this was a pretty great opportunity to be seen by and garner advice from a knowledgeable and successful member of the industry. She was fantastic, seriously, such a wonderful person that I wanted to be her friend and not because she could get me a job! (Don't worry, I didn't try.) I learned a lot from her simply by watching her interact with the other actors and of course, by listening to her closely during the critique and Q & A. She made me want to be a better actor.

Mini-Mission #3: I "proved [I'm] an actress." Words that came from our teacher in her portion of my critique. Now that was a good moment. She offered other comments that fall under the "construction criticism" category (and I'm grateful for them) but I think up until that moment she wasn't sure about me and I wasn't sure I could deliver what I knew I had in me. Now the real work begins because it was just a glimpse and I have more to prove to her and to me.

Mini-Mission #4: I had fun singing in front of others.

Not bad for an 8 week class! I called these "mini" missions because while I consider each of them important and successes, I can't say I really owned them or that the work is over. In fact, it truly has just begun and if I want to improve, the list of missions to be accomplished and re-accomplished is literally never ending. My fear? That I'll quit. I hope I don't make that choice. I hope I've come far enough to see that I'm worth it, as cheesy as that sounds. Now, that would be a whole other mission accomplished!

Life 101

2010-08-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” - Nelson Mandela

I don't know exactly what this means for me but they are words that I can't quite shake. I've been thinking a lot lately about risk and letting go and saying yes and trust and perception of self and limitations and fear. They are concepts/words that have shown up time and again in my life but I happen to be in a place now where they are SCREAMING at me. How will I respond to them?

Mystery

2010-08-06T18:59:00.001-07:00

Clearly, I've got voice on my mind these days and if you're not already tired of me talking about it then keep reading. All others, don't say I didn't warn you. I've been studying privately with a lovely woman/teacher since March, increased my reading on the topic & online research, watched more live performances, and a few weeks ago I began an 8-week workshop. It's funny, with each new step toward the thing I love, I am petrified (literally shaking) but right afterwards, something good happens. It feels like the universe is rewarding my efforts, letting me know that I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. It's a little crazy. And a little mysterious. And I like it.

The "good happenings" that I'm speaking of aren't major things like Broadway offers or the sudden disappearance of those extra pounds I've been wanting to loose rather they are most often vocal improvements that I didn't expect at all or at least not so soon. I am singing almost daily so I'm putting in the work and incremental improvements are to be expected. But these reward moments are often LEAPS or at least that's how they feel to me so it's really exciting!

After a kind of disappointing performance in my last class (mostly because I misunderstood an assignment & then felt unprepared) I made an extra strong commitment to my work/song for this week. On my way home from a long day at the office, I was lamenting my tiredness and couldn't wait to go home and do, well, nothing. Ah, doesn't that sound perfect? But I really needed to sing today so I turned off the radio after reminding myself of my own commitment, pulled out my pitch pipe (yes, I carry it around) and started warming up. My range felt bigger today which isn't something that I've been trying for at all. My upper register was opening up with ease and then a miraculous thing happened. By the time I got home I seemed to be belting (or maybe mixing- I'm still a little fuzzy on the difference sometimes) up to an E! I was barely getting a C# out before, why was this happening? What had I done differently? How can I be sure to recreate this next time? So many questions were flying through my mind. I decided to forget dissecting it and just experience it. I ran into my apartment, pulled out my music and keyboard and had a fantastic practice session. It was SO fun! It's definitely not lovely up there but it will be. And my iffy belting Cs were totally solid! My song for this week felt better than it has yet and some of the questionable notes were totally working themselves out. I was (am) so excited!

In my classical training, belting was unbelieveably discouraged and so I never did it but musical theatre was always my love so it was all confusing to me. When I made the decision to start studying again, I also made the choice to sing what I want! And I am. And it's great. I could say I wish I had started earlier in my life but what would be the point? Today, I belted an E and that's never happened before and I can't explain it or tell you that it will happen again tomorrow. I'm just celebrating this mystery today.

Happiness in July

2010-07-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

A collection of moments and things that made me smile. (Another post that will grow as the days in July pass by.)

1. Seeing my adorably pregnant sister (in-law) and brother for the first time since the baby news was announced.
2. I loved having them stay with me, my apartment felt more alive.
3. Beautiful photography exhibit.
4. "In The Heights" with Lin-Manuel Miranda.
5. Finishing a project that will soon be a gift.
6. Vibrant colors.
7. Umami burger.
8. Pink nail polish.
9. Coffee.
10. Dreaming.
11. Singing in the car.
12. Other artists- their art, their perspectives on life/work/craft, their personalities & vulnerability.
13. A bowl full of fresh cherries.
14. Party preperations.
15. Monochromatic flowers.
16. My brothers' laughter.
17. Lemongrass.
18. Being myself.
19. World Cup with my brothers.
20. Smiles.
21. Crawling into my comfy bed.
22. Cousins. Baby cousins.
23. A cancelled meeting.
24. The thought of a chocolate milkshake.
25. The actual chocolate milkshake.
26. Memories of old friends.
27. Expressive photographs. Or photographs of expressive faces.
28. Thoughts of Italy.
29. French accents.
30. Sunshine on my shoulders.
31. Visiting the ocean in the middle of the work day.
32. Showing up for my life.
33. Giggling by myself at the drive thru car wash.
34. Paying off a large (for me) bill.
35. Working on new music.
36. A little time spent reading/writing in a coffee shop.
37. Turning my phone off for the weekend.
38. Fame reruns. (Thanks, Hulu.)
39. Realizing the studio is a safe place again...finally.
40. Laughing at myself & my silly fears.
41. Taking a risk, anyway.
42. Improvements, presence, personal growth
43. A truck full of young, leafy, green, trees bouncing down the road to a new home(s).
44. Champagne at noon. At work.
45. A great practice session.
46. Beach time.
47. Red wine.
46. An evening spent falling into a book.
47. Good news for good people.
48. Becoming comfortable performing again. A little at a time.
49. A beautiful card & words.
50. Red nails.
51. Ended the month with at a comedy club with lots of laughs.

Things Learned in June

2010-06-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

(This post will continue to grow throughout the month. I hope.)

1. My work ethic is best demonstrated when singing.
2. I'm quite sure that singing has healing properties.
3. Singing replaces the need for energy drinks. (Not that I've ever been one to drink them.)
4. Practice really does make perfect, or at least significantly better.
5. Taking a risk allows you to move forward when you didn't know you were standing still.
6. Freedom is multi-layered.
7. My sister is an artist.
8. I hate the smell of McD's "food."

9. I'm very particular about drinking glasses. (Only when purchasing them.)
10. I need to take an audition class or something because today's audition was just embarrassing.

11. Donuts are not my friends.

12. When feeling lethargic or overwhelmed or negative, doing something good for me (no matter how small) helps every time.

13. My imagination is alive and well.
14. I still love soccer.
15. The result of a good, full night's sleep is worth going to bed early.
16. I have a white hair in my eyebrow. This, along with #15, might officially make me old but I chose to believe otherwise.

17. I miss friends.

18. It's possible to miss someone you've never met.

19. I find unending inspiration from people who live life as though it's a full contact sport.

20. I like garbanzo beans...a lot.

Scared Silly

2010-05-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

I did a silly thing. (Oh, for the purpose of this post "silly" means "scary." It will freak me out less, right?) I know it won't seem silly to those of you who don't live in my head which, admittedly, is all of you but I find it a wee bit terrifying. Maybe there are a few of you who have walked a similar path or had a similar life experience, one where artistically you have been squashed like a bug. If so, I'm sorry you had to go through that, I know it's incredibly difficult and can take a long time to recover. In my case, it's been years and I'm still recovering...actively recovering now.

I'm proud of the steps I've taken over the last 4+ months and can see my artistic self reemerging more everyday. It's exciting and silly as I approach each new step. As I've mentioned, I've been studying voice again and loving it. This time around I have a better sense of who I am and what I want to be learning and singing. It's fantastic. I'm learning a lot and trying new things but I haven't sung outside of my voice teachers studio yet so it's all still very safe.

Musical theatre is the thing I fell in love with as a little girl and that is one of the few things in my life that hasn't changed. The Tony Awards is practically a national holiday in my world! It's my taste of NY theatre and I look forward to it every year. Doesn't everyone?! Well, this is where the silly thing I did comes into to play. I uploaded a video of myself singing and entered a contest to win a trip to NY/Tony Awards. I wasn't going to tell you about it. (Notice it took me 3 paragraphs of blah, blah, blah to even tell you what I did?!) It was going to be my little way of putting myself out there again, secretly entering the world of performing without my family and friends knowing. It was safer that way. Well, screw being safe! I've been safe for far too long and isn't life all about taking risks? I have a million and one disclaimers I want to shout out loud about this video and my performance but I'm not going to do that. I'll just tell you that this is my first step towards making my first public appearance in a very long time. It's silly but empowering and if just one person enjoys even one note or gets a tiny bit of something positive out of listening/watching, I'll be thrilled. And even if they don't, I'm proud of myself. I feel like on my way to something...hopefully great. This is gonna be fun!

So, this link will take you to my video entry and if you feel so inclined, check it out and vote! (The first voting phase ends at 11:59am PST/2:59pm EST on June 1st.) Gotta start somewhere, why not at the Tonys?

Oh man, I just got nervous.

Artist. Person.

2010-04-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Last night, I did one my very favorite things- I went to the theatre. I heard beautiful singing by a beautiful singer. Just her and her musical director at the piano. Bliss. She sang some of, what I imagine are, her favorite songs to perform. The thing that captures me in a performance like this is when a performer allows herself to be seen as a person. A human being, breathing, feeling, perfectly flawed, uniquely talented, simple & complex. If a performer can bravely be a person while sharing her art, I am all in. I am touched & impressed & inspired. The lovely Sutton Foster is a talented artist & brave person. On some level, I felt like I could relate to her and I learned a lot by watching and listening to her from my front row, stage left seat at the Kirk Douglass Theatre. As they say, I laughed, I cried, it was great!

Art is funny. It's an incredibly vulnerable act to share one's art publicly. And yet, if you're an artist, it's the most obvious act in the world because it's the only thing that makes sense to you. For me, this is a struggle so to see people couragously sharing their art with the world is deeply moving and impactful.

This time, it was Sutton Foster and Michael Rafter that moved and impacted me. And I hope they somehow sensed my genuine gratitude.

Letter to the Editor

2010-03-27T17:15:00.001-07:00

Dear Amy,

You have embarked on a journey to rediscover your artist and you have made significant progress. Congratulations! You have much to be proud of and I look forward to seeing your continued growth in the coming weeks, months, years.

This letter is intended to be read by the self that will likely appear at various points in the future: the self that will question whether or not you've made enough progress to make it worth it, the self that will doubt your dreams and ability to make them reality, the self that will advise you to quit. To that self I say, "remember today, this moment, this feeling." You just took your 3rd voice lesson in over a decade and you LOVE it! Nothing makes you happier than singing. Nothing is more fun. Nothing feels more like...you. The vocal progress you've made in these few lessons is astounding so just imagine how great you will sound and feel after a year(s) of practicing and studying!

This is just the beginning and you owe it to yourself and the universe to do the thing you were meant to do, to follow your passions, and to heal. There will be challenges and painful moments but the joy you feel walking into or out of the studio is the thing you must hold on to. Someday, you'll sing in front of people again and then you'll have another feeling to hang on to when things get hard but for now, you have this. And "this" is pretty great. "This" makes your whole being smile. "This" is why it's all worth it.

So, remember "this" and keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter your circumstances. You can do it. You are doing it. Bravo!

Sincerely,
Amy

Psst...

2010-02-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

I just sent my first email to a voice teacher in the LA area. I don't even know where her studio is located or if this will be the best fit (although she looks to be fantastic!) but it's exciting because something, somewhere will work out. And I'll be singing again. It's terrifying and exhilarating and I can't wait.

Oh, and it's 2010 and I haven't written here in many, many months. Perhaps, I'll return more often. Until then, I'm off to rediscover an artist...me.

Stories From The Bus: It's Gone By Now

2009-05-16T16:35:00.000-07:00

I ventured out to the mall today. Yep, I said "the mall." A place I generally try to avoid at all cost, plus, I was just there a month ago! And that's precisely why I was heading there today--to return the one item I purchased on my last visit to the "unhappiest place on earth." I think shopping is a gift, you either have it or you don't. And I don't. I'm bad at shopping and I don't enjoy it so I dread having to go to the large structure, full of smaller structures, full of clothing items in every color/pattern/material/size/shape which you then have option of the accessories in every color/pattern/material/size/shape to accompany the clothes you may or may not have found to work well with your body. It's sooooo overwhelming!

Well, once in a blue moon, I get lucky and actually have a different shopping experience. One that involves walking into one store, browsing the many items neatly hung around me, choosing some to try on, finding some that don't work and then listening to the chorus of angels that has assembled in the dressing room singing a celebratory anthem because I've found not one but TWO dresses that I like and that fit well! It's a miracle in Macy's department store. A single tear... This is the shopping experience I gladly embraced today even though, it meant spending more money than I initially intended. As I left the mall, I was happy and was off to complete the other errands on my list.

I took two buses to my next location and everything was working so well, no long wait for buses or bad weather to contend with and my iPod hadn't died yet. I got off the Culver City #6 and began walking towards my next destination when I realized I was EMPTY HANDED. SHIT! I just left my Macy's bag on the bus! SHIT! I began trying to contact someone at Culver CityBus but it's Saturday and I just kept getting a recorded message. I just left an expensive bag on a public bus and all I could do was walk back to the bus stop and wait. It was an agonizing wait and I just kept reminding myself of all the kindnesses I've witnessed on the bus. Really, I see people offer their seats to others all the time, people let other passengers know when they've dropped something or even left something behind (like a shopping bag!) before they exit, compliments are given, smiles are passed out, directions are explained, and arms are offered to those needing help on or off. I kept hoping that today, I would be the recipient of someone's honesty and kindness.

I got on the next bus that came by and explained my situation to the driver who said he could call it in and then "they" would contact the drivers to see if anyone had found a Macy's bag. I told him it had been about 30 minutes and he asked what was in the bag. Two dresses. "It's gone by now," was his response. "Maybe a kind person turned it in, you never know," was mine. The driver was really helpful but I think he was trying to prepare me for the reality that I may never see that bag again. He told me there wasn't a way to find out if it had been found so it was best if I waited for the driver of the original bus to pass and that it could be an hour and 10 minutes. So, I waited. And hoped. And tried not to cry. (Seriously, it was a bit pathetic. It was just money after all.)

About 40 minutes into my second waiting period, a Culver CityBus employee drove up in an SUV and told me that the bag was found and that the driver knows where to look for me and would be at my stop in about 20 minutes. What?! Seriously?! You found it?! Nobody stole it?! Thank you, thank you, thank you! And it as true. The next beautiful green bus that pulled up was my original bus and there in the front window was my Macy's bag! I'm pretty sure the dressing room angels returned for an encore and I was elated! Not just to have my new dresses but to have confirmation that people are good and honest and kind. Several people helped me locate the bag, several others had the opportunity to steal it in the two hours that it was out of my possession but they didn't. Of course, if it had been stolen I wouldn't have lost hope in all people but it's pretty great to have these moments. There is lots of goodness in the world, this is just one small example.

A special thank you to the Culver CityBus employees that helped, the person that found/turned in the bag, and the people of LA who rode bus #7061 today and chose kindness.

I think it might be a while before I venture out to the mall again...

The Way To My Heart

2009-03-02T13:36:00.000-08:00

Happy March, everyone! It seems, I'm becoming one of those people who comments on how quickly time passes and while that may suggest something about my age, I am not old. (A phrase I will be repeating for the rest of my days.) But really, I've been in LA over a year already! What happened to that year? What did I accomplish in that year? How do you measure a year? In daylights? Sunsets? Midnights? Cups of coffee? (I know, I know, but I needed a segue!)

Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal stole my heart on Saturday, along with the rest of the touring cast of Rent! Everyone was fantastic and you don't always get that with a touring company. I laughed, I cried. Ah, it was everything I wanted it to be. There is nothing like the theatrical experience, nothing moves and inspires me like storytelling from the stage, particularly when fabulous singing is involved. Having listened to the soundtrack for years, I've become quite familiar with Rapp and Pascal in these roles and it was surprising how solid they were on Saturday. Even after all these years and countless performances of this material, they came out with high energy, gave it 100%, and were essentially flawless, it was remarkable. I suppose that's to be expected from professionals. The full cast was impressive as well, everyone was up to par and fulfilled their roles beautifully. A great day was had by all. Or at least by my sister and I.

The rest of the evening was spent cooking, another favorite activity of mine. We made this for dinner along with a green salad and this for dessert. Delicious! I highly recommend the risotto and while the tart was tasty and pretty, it's a little high maintenance considering how much (or little) it yields. I even made the caramel sauce and didn't burn it! This was exciting for me as my only other attempt at caramel was years ago and a complete disaster. I am no longer afraid of burning sugar, this is progress. Now, if only all fears could be conquered so easily!

Thanks, Melissa, for the best February birthday I've ever had!

"Times Are Shitty..."

2009-02-27T13:57:00.000-08:00

"But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse." (Lyrics from Sante Fe, Rent, by Jonathon Larson.)

Well, things got a little bit better when my dear sister called this afternoon to tell me she's taking me to see Rent tomorrow! It's an early birthday present and I'm so excited! She has never seen the stage production and I saw it years ago on a tour but not with any of the original cast members. Most people interested in musical theatre are aware that Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal returned for this current tour and I was so hoping to see them perform these roles live. It's rare that anyone who creates a role is able to come back in the same role 13 years later. And since I don't live in NY, it's rare for me to see original Broadway casts so I can't wait. I truly didn't think I was going to be able to go. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Melissa.

Of course, the irony is not lost on me. The fact that I'm going to see Rent when lately, I wonder how I'm going to pay mine is one of life's little attempts at humor. (And yes, I'm laughing or at least smiling.) No updates on the job front but I'm not giving up hope! I can't. That doesn't mean that I don't have bad days, trust me I do. I'm just trying not to focus on them because that's not very helpful. I make daily attempts to see the good in order to remind me that I'm surrounded by beauty and have many things to be grateful for in my life. As hard as it might be, there is always someone else suffering more. I'm blessed to have a loving family and friends who look out for me, even though, I don't let them sometimes. Not everyone has that luxury so I know I'm quite lucky.

Anyone want to open up a restaurant in Sante Fe?

Death By...

2009-01-27T14:45:00.000-08:00

Running
Last week, a friend asked me to go for a run with her one evening. I'm out of shape and a super slow runner to begin with but she didn't mind so we did it. Then, a couple days ago, one of my '08 Nike friends sent out an invitation to join her for the P.F. Chang's Rock 'N' Roll Arizona Marathon in January 2010. I guess I have only myself to blame for the fact that people think these are appropriate invitations for me. (What have I done?!) Anyway, in light of the facts that physical exercise is a stress reliever, helpful in weight loss and general health, and necessary if one is considering the challenging of running a race, I went out for a short run last night.

On both running occasions, I felt like I was going to die. Why? Because oxygen is necessary for life and this element was seemingly absent. I know I've said this before but I watch true runners in absolute awe, especially those runners who look as relaxed as I do when sleeping. How do they do it? It is unlikely that I will ever experience a 6 minute mile but I do have aspirations to someday hit the pavement for a few miles without the aid an oxygen mask. I would also like to actually enjoy it. That's right, I've completed two marathons and I still hate running. Granted I walked more than I ran either of those races but still, you would think after several hundred training miles and 52.4 'racing' miles, some of that I-love-running-joy would rub off on me. What will it take?! Geesh.

While I have yet to actually enjoy a run while in the midst of it, I do feel great when it's over. Sometimes, several hours after it's over but still, I feel better and I know it's good for my body and soul. I also find I have more energy which brings me to my next point.

Chocolate
With all the extra energy following last night's run, I walked to a restaurant for a chocolate milk shake. Yeah, shut up.

An Excellent Film
Chocolate shake in hand, I watched "The Green Mile" before going to bed. It was the first time I had seen it and I cried my bloody eyes out! The acting is fantastic, the story is moving and I was pretty sure my heart was being ripped from my body with each passing scene. But if you're one of the few people left on the earth that has yet to see this film, I highly recommend it.

Politics
Finally, I need to vent for a moment. It is no secret that I am one of those excited about our new president and I have renewed hope for our future. I understand that there are those who disagree with me and have passionate reasons for it. I felt the same way when Bush was re-elected and I know how difficult it is to be disappointed, concerned, and even scared in the midst of someone else's celebration. However, I do not understand why anyone would root for their president to fail. Again, I was not happy about Bush but I certainly didn't want him to fail. For him to fail was for our country to fail, why would I want that? So, why are so many people actively and publicly rooting for President Obama to fail? I understand if you want a bill or policy to fail but more than that seems immature and ignorant. He won, get over it. Okay, I'm done now.

Farmers Markets

2009-01-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not very good about going to Farmers Markets weekly but I do love them. It makes me happy to see beautiful, colorful, fresh and sometimes strange-looking produce and handmade products lining the street. Then there are the people with their own bags, carts and kids, stocking up for the week or maybe a special dinner that evening. Doesn't it seem like the perfect neighborhood activity?

I have the pleasure of living relatively close to the Santa Monica Farmers Market so I stopped by yesterday. It's fun to see so many people out on Wednesday morning supporting their local farmers and it's fun to see chefs gathering ingredients from their favorite vendors. Apparently, celebrities often venture to this market but I don't usually notice them.

Amongst the items I purchased was a single Meyer Lemon. I've never tasted one but I've noticed many people talking about them lately so when I spotted them at a citrus stand yesterday, I couldn't resist. They were so beautiful and much smoother than a regular lemon. I look forward to slicing into it later, if I can bring myself to damage this perfect specimen.

***
On an unrelated note, the 2009 letterpress calendars that I posted about last month are now on sale for $29! That's a steal for such beautiful handmade work. If you're looking for a gift for yourself or someone else, I highly recommend a visit to Lynn Russell's Etsy shop.

I Checked, It's Still A Brand New Day

2009-01-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

As I turned to exit Barnes & Noble today, the above photograph shows what I saw. I had to pull out my camera and the tears welled up again. As I took the picture, a gentleman seated next to me couldn't help but mention how remarkable yesterday was and how much he still feels the excitement today. I couldn't agree with him more, so much hope.

The Day Has Arrived

2009-01-20T19:10:00.000-08:00

From my point of view:
At approximately 12:04pm est, President Obama took the oath of office and became the 44th President of the United States of America. With cheers, hopeful hearts, tears of joy, and deep pride we welcomed the First Family to the White House and the first African American to the highest office in the land. With respect and unity, we listened to the strong message he delivered from the Capitol Building today. While there are those who focus on skepticism and the disappointment that their candidate did not win, many Americans look toward the future with optimism and hold much respect for the man that has agreed to take on the incredibly difficult task of leading our country at this particularly challenging time. The change of leadership alone offers relief to many of us and the fact that this change is lead by President Barack Obama is thrilling. As he has said often, the road ahead will be difficult and the changes we seek will not appear overnight but I, for one, support him wholeheartedly and am willing to give him and his administration the time needed to address the crises they've just inherited. I do not expect perfection yet I trust he has the wisdom, integrity, grace and strength required for the days and years ahead. What an extraordinary day.

Thank you, Mr. President and First Family, and welcome.

At The Moment The Economy Is Not My Friend

2009-01-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

Really, he's not. He won't talk to me and on the rare occasion that he does, he's short and detached. I'm not sure what I did to offend him but based on this dose of silent treatment, it was pretty bad and I wonder if he'll ever forgive me.

It's another day in "the office," which means I'm sitting in a local coffee shop using their free wifi (free after I buy coffee) and job searching. I've been temping for several months and initially, there was a decent amount of work. As the last few months have passed, the jobs have become harder and harder to come by. Job searching in our current economic climate is enough to drive a person mad and that is no exaggeration. Jobs are available but it's nothing in comparison to the number of people looking for employment. I've also noticed that companies seem to be offering lower and lower salaries (or hourly rates) and I can only assume they are trying to save money because they can or because they have to in order to survive. Regardless, it makes for a very difficult time to be without steady employment. To complicate my financial matters further, I contacted my temp agency today because I hadn't received a couple paychecks. It turns out I never gave them my new address and now I have to pay bank fees for them to stop payment on the checks they've mailed but haven't been received/returned. They will cut new checks for me and I can pick them up tomorrow when I go in to fill out the paperwork necessary to change my address and pay the appropriate fees. Of course, I have to pay money to get my money. I understand policies and such but considering the pathetic check totals, this is a little hard to swallow.

A couple walked into "my office" a bit ago and practically announced that they were both laid off today. They're sitting behind me and making call after call. Calls to family members, fellow newly jobless colleagues, potential employers and their new landlord. They think they need to move as a result of this development, I understand their predicament. And to top it all off, they just got a parking ticket due to an expired meter. I guess it's one of those days...or weeks...or months...or years...

"My office" is filled with two kinds of people--job seekers and screenplay writers, more of the former. The number of computers with windows open to Craigslist is just another sign that there are many other stories out there like the two above. I'm not unique, the couple that just left to get their computers and begin their search is not unique. That's strangely comforting, unfortunate, and absolutely scary. I know that things will turn around, I'm just not sure when. Until then, I'm doing my best to remain hopeful and focused.

To those of you with jobs, be thankful and may you have continued financial security. To those of you job searching, I feel your pain and wish you unexpected luck. May our friendship with the economy be mended soon.

***
Edit: Here's a Wall Street Journal article about my late afternoon office. Again, it looks like I'm not unique.

Shuffle Off To A New Life

2009-01-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

Who knew that such a little thing could provide so much hope for a new life? My sister and her boyfriend took pity on me and gave me an iPod Shuffle for Christmas, a truly pleasant surprise! With all of my bus riding and walking, I've often thought this little device would be so nice but I never bought one for myself. My favorite place to listen to music was always the car (partly because I could sing at the top of my lungs without disturbing anyone) but I haven't owned a car in three years so my listening practices have been almost non-existent. I didn't realize just how much I was missing it until I finally got my super cute, green, shuffle loaded up and in my ears for this morning's commute! It felt so freeing and so fun!

I'm really moved my music and even motivated--I actually went for a run when I got home from work today just because I was energized by the song I was listening to! I don't remember what song it was but who cares, I ran...for no reason...for the first time since the marathon (October.) This is an exciting development. Now, before you go thinking I went for a long distance, graceful run, let me tell you the truth--I seriously sucked wind for about a mile and I'm still coughing from the cool air trapped in my lungs. Too funny. But it's a mile more than I ran yesterday so I feel good about that and who knows, maybe it'll happen again sometime soon.

While I'm not one to make a list of resolutions, I do love and feel the hope for a better year that comes with the start of a new year. It offers a clean slate, a chance to start over, to make changes, to leave bad habits behind, to reinforce healthy habits and to hope that the things you desire find their way into your life this year. Of course, this year includes a new president and a historical event when he takes office which just adds to the excitement. Ah, the sweetness of a new year.

Understood

2008-12-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

"It's bad enough not to be doing what your passion is...It's twice as painful to be doing something that's within the work of what your passion is. The very work itself demeans what you love."

-Dustin Hoffman, actor
Full LA Times article here.

Dear Santa,

2008-12-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

I've never been very good at this. Ya know, asking for what I want. Even as a kid, I barely remember asking for a particular toy or the "must-have" item of the year. Granted, I may have the world's worst memory so it's possible that I just don't recall correctly. I do, however, have emotional memories. What I mean is, I remember "feeling" nervous or uncomfortable asking for what I wanted. What if it was too expensive? What if I didn't really like it once I had it? What if it wasn't cool enough? What if it didn't look good on me? What if I'm being selfish? Half the time, I didn't even know what I wanted, perhaps due to that questioning voice in my head.

I envied my sister, she knew exactly what she wanted and never hesitated to ask for it. She was confident in the asking and confident in the receiving. This amazed me and I didn't understand it. How did she know exactly what she wanted and then not think twice about voicing it?

Fastforward to our adulthood, things haven't changed much. Of course, the things we desire are different but my sister still knows what she wants and creates a plan to get it. Having never really learned how to know what I want and own it, I still flounder. I'm not a total lost cause, I can usually pinpoint what I don't want now and on occassion, I can sense what I want and admit it to myself even if I can't or don't express it to others.

Looking at the state of the world and the hunger, poverty, war, and sickness that pervades it, I find it difficult to ask for more. And yet, I recognize that by denying who I am, I miss my opportunity to give the world, perhaps, what I was created to offer it. Reconciling these things is my challenge and I think it's something I will wrestle with forever. But I hope to continue making progress, discovering what I want, taking steps toward those findings and participating in this thing called life.

I know, I never finished my letter to Santa but I'm working on it. May each of us find and display the best of who we are, the desires of our hearts and the dreams of our childhoods sooner rather than later. Peace to you this holiday season.

A Reminder About An Artist

2008-12-17T14:53:00.001-08:00

If you are still looking for gifts for the wonderful people in your life, let me remind you that Lynn Russell offers the most beautiful, handmade, letterpress calendars! I do not exaggerate. Well, I do but I'm not right now. I bought her 2008 calendar and intended to give it as a gift but once it arrived and I saw that it was even more beautiful in person, I couldn't do it. So, I kept it...all to myself. (Sorry, mom.) I still LOVE it and I plan to frame some of the designs when I have some extra money so I can continue to enjoy them. Seriously, this is one of my very favorite possessions.

I believe artists have an important role to play in our lives and in our world. If you're an artist, you know you are doing what you have to do. Lynn is one artist trying to make a living and support her family by doing what she loves and making the world a more beautiful place. She's feeling the effects of our current economy, as many are, so she's offering a holiday give-away which you can read about here. (You have until Friday, December 19th to purchase a calendar and enter the drawing.)

I'm obviously a big fan of artists so please, support them! Visit your locally owned shops where local artists may sell their art or check out etsy or buy tickets to a play/music or live music performance. Art changes us. It adds beauty to the everyday and couldn't we all use a little more beauty?

Happy Holidays, everyone.

**Edit: Here's another artist to check out for gifts this holiday season. Photographer, Steven Johnson, has many stunning photographs so please, visit his galleries and consider purchasing a print.

Vocation

2008-12-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

Two definitions from Dictionary.com:
Vocation
1. a particular occupation, business, or profession; calling.
2. a strong impulse or inclination to follow a particular activity or career.

Words from others on the topic:
“Each man has his own vocation; his talent is his call. There is one direction in which all space is open to him.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a man's entire existence.” -Honore de Balzac

“Vocation is the spine of life.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

“The artist vocation is to send light into the human heart.” -George Sand

“The vocation of every man and woman is to serve other people.” -Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

“If each one does their duty as an individual and if each one works in their own proper vocation, it will be right with the whole.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn't, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence." -Honore de Balzac

"To hunger for use and to go unused is the worst hunger of all." -Lyndon B. Johnson

Wandering At The Moment

2008-12-08T16:52:00.000-08:00

I literally wandered around LA last night because I couldn't decide where I wanted to go. All I knew was that I didn't want to be home. I started in one direction but decided I didn't want to go there so I turned around walked back to where I started. As I continued to walk and turn and walk and turn, I was thinking "this is my life and it's pathetic." So, I've decided to spend the evening making lists. Not Christmas lists (although, I ought to at least start thinking about shopping) but rather lists of things I want to do/be and possible steps to get there. I know, revolutionary. Most of my processing and evaluating takes place in my head but I do take time to write it down from time to time, in fact, I've probably done this at least once or twice already this year. That's not going to stop me! I mean, it can't hurt to do it again...right? I don't expect to have any epiphanies as a result of this exercise but I do hope it allows my brain to breathe a bit, it's suffocating at the moment.

Evaluating and re-evaluating one's life is exhausting! I'm not sure most people spend this much time pouring over their direction, choices, calling, desires, dreams, etc. I have no way of comparing and it hardly matters. The point is, I want to believe that I have a true calling or purpose, that all of us have specific jobs to do while on earth. Perhaps it's just a romantic notion but I have to believe there is more to life and vocation than trying to pay the bills. Frequently, I hear people say they genuinely love what they do and I desperately want to relate to those words. I know life is about the journey and I don't mean to discount the importance of that piece. However, right now I'm just wandering without any direction, hoping my dream life drops out of the sky. I don't know where to turn and I can't see beyond my fears, doubts, limitations and excuses. I'm in my own way. Isn't that great?

If you are one of those who have already discovered your true vocation, celebrate it.

Okay, I'm off to make my lists.

Not all who wander are lost...(but I sure am.)
~J.R.R. Tolkien (and Me)

The First Amendment Alive And Well

2008-11-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

After work last night, I went for a walk along the beach (the sound of the ocean is good for my soul) since I had some time to kill before I would be able to meet my roommate, who was going to let me back into our apartment where my keys were residing at the time. I started in Venice and ended up at the Santa Monica Pier. As I approached Ocean Avenue, I could hear and see a crowd of protesters. With Prop 8 recently passing in California, I assumed that was the reason for this protest and I was correct. I was excited to stumble upon this demonstration of our country's First Amendment rights. As my sister recently said, "I love democracy!" If we don't like something, we have the right to say something about it and many have been doing so for centuries. It's a thing to be celebrated, in my opinion.

Honestly, I was quite surprised that Prop 8 passed, perhaps I was naive. I haven't done enough research to understand why it passed. The point is it did and many people are assembling peacefully across the state (and country) to voice their disappointment, hurt, frustration and anger. Of course, there are those standing on the other side of the issue but there doesn't seem to be as many, perhaps because they are happy about the result and find it unnecessary to act at this time. (I only saw three "Yes on 8" protesters last night and they were too far away to photograph given the darkness.)

Below are some images from the protest I unexpectedly attended and that were accompanied by chants like:

"What do we want?
Equal Rights!
When do what them?
Now!"

"Gay, straight, black, white, marriage is a civil right!"

At The Moment I'm Locked Out Of My Apartment

2008-11-11T14:26:00.000-08:00

Even so, I feel better than yesterday and for that, I am grateful. Just thought it might be wise to share that little update.

At The Moment I'm Freaking Out

2008-11-10T15:16:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, I freak out more than I'd like to admit. I prefer pretending I'm strong and able to "go with the flow" but the truth is I'm mostly a mess. At least, that's how I feel today. I've been on a quest for contentment and balance most of my life. It alludes me still. I don't know what it will take for me to be fulfilled in life, to make the decisions necessary to bring me the happiness I so desire, to find the thing(s) that I seem to be missing. I often look back and try to discover where I went wrong. When was I supposed to learn the thing most everyone else seems to have learned? How did I end up this alone and this paralyzed? How do I move forward? How do I know which steps to take next? I know life isn't easy but is it supposed to be this hard? I don't know how to measure that, I suppose. I know in many ways I'm lucky and have little or no right to complain considering what so many others have to endure on a daily basis. Sometimes I appreciate that, sometimes I can't see beyond my own pain. At the moment, I'm freaking out but tomorrow will be better. I hope.

Yes We Can

2008-11-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

I want to document this beautifully historic event but I can't seem to find the words. The tears come easily, however. I have a vivid memory of listening to President-Elect Obama speaking at the 2004 DNC. I had two thoughts. One, "why isn't that man running instead of Kerry?" and two, "someday, I will vote for him for President of the United States." I never thought it would be this soon but yesterday, I did vote for him and did so with a sense of excitement that I've never experienced in a voting booth before. Americans came out and raised our voices and together, we overwhelmingly asked Mr. Obama to take us into the future. There are many people better equipped than I to state the importance of this moment in our history. I know I'm really lucky to have had the opportunity to participate in this particular election. And I know, this is a day I will never forget.

Thank you, Mr. Obama, for taking on this immense challenge and for giving me hope for the future. Thank you to your family who will sacrifice much over the next four years. Thank you to the many people who chose to get involved and actively support his campaign. We did it and we proudly celebrate today, tears and all.

Victory Speech in Chicago's Grant Park.

Weekend/Race Report: Nike Women's Marathon 2008

2008-10-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

As I sit staring at the screen, trying to write a race report, it's hard to believe the weekend is over. It feels like such a blur as I think back on it and I'm still processing it so the words might come clumsily here.

The weekend itself was full of reunions as I connected with family, friends from college, and friends from KC. It was really fun to run into each one even though, it seemed there was little time for conversation. My phone rang more in those first couple days that it had all year long! It was crazy but eventually, everyone arrived and checked in to their hotels so the exploration of marathon and San Francisco activities could begin.

The W. women represent! (Photo courtesy of Luke W.)

Friday was filled with visits to the Nike Expotique where we picked up our race day packets and visited vendors that were giving away free stuff, a trip to Niketown for event merchandise and to find our names amongst the 20,000 others on the outside wall, a casual dinner and an early bedtime since it was the best chance at a good night's sleep before the race. I met my college friends at Fisherman's Wharf on Saturday morning to decorate our singlets with our names as well as the names of those we were running in honor/memory of. We walked down to Boudin for a delicious lunch, clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl for me, and walked along the bay enjoying the views. I sat on a park bench while the others made their way to Ghiradelli Square and after a stop at Lombard Street and a quick hello to my family at Union Square, we continued on to the TNT Pasta Party. John Bingham was his usual comedic self and it was another moving, energized and entertaining evening that got us excited and ready for the morning. My roommate for the weekend, Jen, and I, headed back to our room and began the checklist of all the things we needed to lay out for the morning. This was the first time I had thought about the fact that I was in SF to do another marathon. WHAT?! All of a sudden, I was nervous and trying to figure out exactly what I was thinking when I signed up for this again! I began to remember how much it hurt and how exhausting it was and how much I swore I would never do another full marathon! Too late now. We laid out all our gear-- and I have a lot -- and we attempted to sleep.

The Start Line!

After a restless night, I woke up 30 min. before my alarm. Okay, fine, it was going to be that kind of day. As I got ready, I wasn't nervous at all, I was too tired to be nervous. I met my team and we headed out to the very cold start line. Of course, once I got out there I decided I had to go to the bathroom. Since our hotel was closer to the start line than the porta-potty line, I chose the warmer/cleaner option. I managed to cut my finger on a piece of metal that was sticking out from the stall door. Ugh. I found an aid station but it was not yet stocked so a guy nearby had a bandaid which I graciously accepted and hoped a tetanus shot was not necessary. Back at the start, I saw my dad then my mom. She appeared totally ready and excited for it all to begin. I stood with my training crew as we waited for the clock to countdown and then we were off! It was dark and cold but we all expected that, it was early after all. We were layered with jackets, long sleeved shirts, gloves, scarves, hats and even pants in some cases. Brrrr! There was a coat check at mile 2.5 and I later would regret checking my extra layers because it NEVER warmed up and we NEVER saw the sun!

The race itself is difficult for me to describe since I often don't remember much and am pretty oblivious in the moment. My training partners are always pointing out things to me or asking about a particular event that occurred on the course and 99% of the time, I have no idea what they're talking about! What's happens to me out there? Here's what I do remember, we saw my dad, sister & Erik at mile 3 (yay!) and my brother, Luke, joined them at miles 11, 16 and 26, we saw other familiar faces along the way and I remember the first woman who said "go, Amy!" because I realized the sun had risen enough so that she could read my name on my singlet. I remember most of the hills, including a few new ones that were added to the course this year-- who's brilliant idea was that?! As I ascended one of the hills, I turned to Anna, my running partner, and said "my friends are going to kill me!" The hills seemed so much harder this year or perhaps I just chose to forget them. Either way, I was pretty sure I would be down a friend or two by the end of this thing. Oops. I remember seeing Joan Benoit Samuelson running-- such a hero for women! And speaking of heros, I remember the many names displayed on the passing runners. The reminders of why we were really there.

In Golden Gate Park at about mile 13, I saw my college friends, Katie and Ginny! I had been waiting all morning for them to pass me so it was exciting to see them and they looked super strong! I was so proud. They would pass me a couple miles later and I was amazed with their impressive run. At mile 16, when meeting my family, I recall asking them, "why did I decide to do this again?!" before forging on. Then I saw my sister-in-law, Andrea, also looking strong even though she said she was tired. We walked a bit together and then she was off to her impressive finish. I loved running into all these inspiring women!

Andrea couldn't be happier!

I'm going to pause here and tell you a bit about my race last year. Around mile 15, I had noticed the ball of my right foot was hurting but I didn't think much of it. I figured I had developed a blister in a weird place and kept going. (I would later discover I had bruised and blistered my right foot. Ouch!) It continued to get worse and I began to overcompensate which resulted in bad cramping in my left calf beginning at mile 19. The last seven miles, I wondered whether or not I'd be able to finish. All the stretching in the world was not taking care of the problem, neither was salt. It was all too little too late. I did finish but it wasn't pretty. Last year, I also lost my running partner at mile 2 so I did the majority of the race by myself.

Back to this year, I was determined to avoid the calf cramping and to experience this race with Anna who, I might add, walked the entire race with a full-size Pringles can in her hand! She was hilarious and a big hit with everyone she passed. I didn't want to go out too fast and I knew Anna would help me to stay at a relaxed pace at the start so it was all good. We stopped to stretch every couple miles as we were feeling really tight all morning long. I think the cold weather probably played a part as did my paranoia about cramping. At mile 20, I looked at the clock for the first time. Seriously, I had not focused on time at all for the first 20 miles and then all of a sudden I saw it and started to do the math. At this rate, I would finish with a slower time than last year! That was NOT acceptable! This was supposed to be easier and faster because I didn't have the cramping/bruising issues. I guess stopping 15 times to stretch and once to wait in a restroom line added up quickly. I started walking faster, knowing Anna was behind me and I figured she would catch up when I inevitably stopped to stretch AGAIN but when I did stop, I didn't see her. I put my sunglasses on and kept going.

The sunglasses were not on because it was sunny, it wasn't. They were there to protect the innocent runners, walkers and spectators that I might encounter over the next 6.2 miles. I had hit my "bite me zone" as John Bingham refers to it. With each step, I got more and more pissed off. At what, I'm not sure, it was all quite irrational. I didn't make eye contact with anyone, I didn't want anyone cheering for me, and heaven forbid anyone tried to talk to me! Wow, I never had a response like this. It should have been embarrassing since all these kind-hearted people were out there in the cold and mist to support me and help to cross the finish line but I was too busy being mad at them to be embarrassed. Shortly after mile 24, I found myself on pace with two women obsessively talking about how close we must be to the finish line. "Do you see the white tents? That would mean we were close. He said we were 1.5 miles away, I hope he was right. Do you think he was right? Are we close? Can you see the tents? Where's the mile 25 marker? Do you see it? I think he was wrong. How close are we now? How many street lights before the finish line? I still can't see the mile 25 marker. I think we have more than 1.5 miles to go. No, I think I can see the tents. Oh no, that's a different tent. The end of mile 25 is taking forever to get here." YA THINK?! Maybe if you'd stop talking about it the time would pass more quickly!!! It took everything in me to keep from taking them both out. I tried running faster to get away from them but then they would do the same thing. I crossed to the other side of the street to at least create some distance. In the last mile, I picked up my pace and finally got away. Still, I'm pretty sure mile 25 was twice as long as all the other miles! One of my coaches met up with me and helped keep me on pace to come in earlier than my finish time last year. I told her I just needed to come in 30 seconds earlier, anything but over! As I approached the finish line, I heard my family chanting my name and I was still in my ferocious "bite me zone" so my response to them was less than classy. I'll leave it at that, except to say that thankfully, they all thought it was funny and their laughter made me laugh which was SO needed! I picked up my pace, the finish line was right there and now I heard my college friends cheering for me too! Step, step, step, step, FINISH LINE! Choking back tears. What an emotional finish. I went from anger to laughter to tears instantaneously. Crazy!

The college crew after we all finished! (Photo courtesy of Aaron Routhe.)

Part of my family after mom and I both finished 26.2 miles!

I found friends for some pictures and then my family as we cheered on my mom during her finish. That's right, my mom's a marathoner! We shivered as we took more pictures then headed back to our hotels for warm showers and rest. That evening, we celebrated our accomplishments at E & O Trading Co. Dinner, martinis, good friends, family, it was grand.

The college crew at dinner.

The next day, everyone began their journeys home and I walked around the city a bit before taking the shuttle to the airport for a short flight home but not before a bird pooped on me. What a send off, San Francisco! It really was a great weekend but as usual, went by too quickly and I find that I had very few full conversations with anyone. It's my hope that the weekend was an experience none of us will forget.

The fam after dinner.

Collectively, my college friends and I raised $30,000 for the LLS! Add in my mom and Andrea, and we raised $37,000! With all 5000 TNT participants nationwide, the grand total is over $18 MILLION for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! THANK YOU for being a part of this journey with me. No matter what role you played, financial supporter, encourager, running partner, race day spectator or friend, I could not have done this without you. You have made such a difference in the lives of so many people and I saw lots of them on Sunday. There were thousands of people standing with signs and pictures of their loved ones that faced cancer and they thanked us as we passed. Their gratitude goes out to you, as well. You made it possible for me and my friends and family to be out there on Sunday sharing in this life changing experience. You are making it possible for the LLS to continue in it's mission to find a cure for blood cancers. I hope you'll consider staying involved and maybe even participate in your own endurance event with TNT. You won't regret it!

Two Beauties

2008-09-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

The top photograph in this post is so interesting to me. Isn't it intriguing?

In the archives of the same blog, I came across this fabulous little conversation overheard by the writer. Divine.

Westside Update.5

2008-09-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!
6.75 Weeks to Race Day
4 Weeks to Fundraising Deadline

And thus begins the FINAL preparations for this year's attempt to raise $3200 for cancer patient support/research and to complete all 26.2 miles of the Nike Women's Marathon. The final exam. Just breathe and relax. What? Am I the only needing to remind myself to breathe?! Okay, probably so but there might be some "sympathy pains" out there. Anyone?

Well, your "pains" (or overwhelming joys) may have more to do with Back to School season than with endurance events and fundraising because as we all know, if your local schools haven't already started, this is the week! Well, I'm excited to tell you that today is Audrey's first day of kindergarten! Audrey is our team's honored teammate and she's been in treatment for leukemia for over a year. Her mom, Katy, is training with our Westside team and Sunday, she shared that Audrey's doing really well, even as the doctors continue to increase her meds. Her strength is remarkable and her family is already planning the "end of treatment" party which is July 31, 2009! I can't imagine. Thankfully, Katy said Audrey's like a normal 5 year old nowadays and she's ready for school. I hope she had a great first day!

Speaking of school, my training feels very much like homework. I think about it everyday. What I'm eating, how much I'm sleeping, how active I've been, etc. And someone will ask me how much I ran/walked so I better be prepared with an answer! Well, here it is. I essentially completed 3 half marathons during the month of August and this past Sunday, I asked my coach if we could, please, get to at least 16 miles next week because I was feeling behind. I know, weird that I would ask for more mileage but it's true. I've turned into the kid that chooses to sit in the front of the room asking for extra assignments. Who knew?! Last season, 16 miles felt awful (mostly due to the midwestern heat/humidity we were fighting that day) so I'm looking forward to moving beyond that mileage and over that mental hurdle. We might even move right ahead to 18 miles...I wonder how that will feel?! I'll be sure to let you know.

In a previous update, I mentioned that I recently read Dawn Dais' "The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide For Women" and I'm taking one of her ideas which means I'm assigning you homework. (It's been a while since I've done that, I forgot how fun it can be! Don't worry, it won't be graded.) She had her friends and family send her short quotes or notes, often humorous things, that she could read when she hit particularly difficult moments in the race. Strangely, this didn't end up helping her but I think it would be fun and helpful for me. As in Dawn's case, the funnier and more sarcastic, the better! A mix of the serious and humorous will be great. It'll help me to remember that I'm not alone out there, that there's a group of people supporting me, even if from afar. So, put your thinking caps on and motivate me with your hilarity & wisdom! (No pressure! )

To recap, Audrey's an A student and doing great! My homework is to run/walk my tail off and keep telling people about this great cause. Your homework is to send me a short note for race day and to visit my website (website no longer active) if you'd like to make a donation to help other patients like Audrey. If you have any questions, I'm available for after school help.

Cheers,
Amy

-----
Donations are still being accepted at: Website no longer active.
Amy has currently raised $1745 and has a goal of $3200!

Things I've Done Today

2008-08-25T14:53:00.001-07:00

-Dropped a shampoo bottle on my foot and cut my toe.
-Avoided paying an extra $40 for returning a rental car 2 minutes late.
-Poured scalding coffee on my hand.
-Missed 3 buses.
-Walked 14 blocks to work in heels, carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and a cup of ice in the other, all the while attempting to ice above mentioned burn.
-Spilled coffee on my shirt.
-Was 30 minutes late to work.

That was all before 10am. Humph. Hope your Monday morning was a bit less...harmful.

Jen

2008-08-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

My friend of 15 years, fellow TNT teammate, and San Francisco roommate has recently had a photo shoot with her friend, Laura, and I think the pics came out great! Both photographer and subject did a fabulous job celebrating this beautiful woman in a fun and even quirky way. And what a creative way to document Jen's experience.
Check them out!

Westside Update.4

2008-08-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

In case, you're not following along here with this latest marathon adventure of mine and you're curious about how I'm doing (and let's face it, who isn't dying to know), below is my recent update:

Whew! Somehow, we've made it past the half way point and in exactly 2 months from today, I, along with 20,000 of my new best friends, will be sweating our little hearts out on the streets of San Francisco! Thank you for sticking by me on this journey, friends.

My Westside team is doing pretty well. (Like how I took ownership of the entire team, there?!) Most of the team has recommitted (meaning we've officially signed up with Nike and given a credit card # to guarantee that our fundraising goal will be met), full marathoners have made it to at least 13 miles, half marathoners to 9 miles, and as a team, we've raised $130,000! Our coaches and mentors continue to guide us through this process offering encouragement and expertise along the way. And we do our best to trust them and avoid taking detours to the beach as we pass by. Anna is my current weekend walking/running partner and she's great about reminding us to relax. I can't imagine why I forget to relax in the middle of 13 miles?!

As we're out on the course, we also lie...a lot. We tell ourselves thing like "this is fun," "we feel great," "it's a beautiful day and there's nowhere else we'd rather be," and "wow, we look great in spandex." And we tell some truths as well, "we're pretty lucky to have the ocean and mountains as the backdrop to our training," "we've accomplished so much on this Sunday morning," "if he/she can withstand chemo and radiation, we can certainly complete ___ miles," and "our only job is to endure." This past Sunday, we kept crossing paths with a man who was easily in his 70s and looking at him, you would think his running days had long since passed. We could not have been more wrong. Anna and I were both pretty sure he could kick our butts any day of the week! And he was wearing a shirt that read, "Run in feet. Dream in miles." He was our inspiration for the rest of our mileage, truly amazing. When we're out on the course, we're desperate to find things (any things) to keep us going and remind of us of why we're out there in the first place because it's easy to forget when you're body is trying to tell you it would rather be at the movies!

There have been highs and lows and I know there will be more of both in the coming months but I continue to recommit to this challenge and do all I can to keep myself motivated. I even bought a book over the weekend titled, "The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide For Women" by Dawn Dais and it's hilarious! She's completely sarcastic and I love it! It's good to laugh out loud about the craziness involved in marathon training and somehow, it's even motivating.

So, that's the latest from LA's westside. If you're following along with my college friends and I spread out around the country, we're all recommitted, doing well and have raised $17,286!!! (Katie has even reached her fundraising goal!) My mom and sister-in-law are also doing well having reached at least 14 miles and $3,621! Who knew we would one day find ourselves united for the same cause and running marathons to support it? Not me, that's for sure! Thank you, once again, to all those that have donated to me, my friends, and family members. We are all encouraged beyond words by your generous support. We'll need it even more over the coming weeks because it only gets harder from here. Thankfully, it also gets more exciting as we get closer to our goals and race day!

Anyone for a run?

Peace,
Amy

-----
Donations are still accepted at: Sorry, website no longer active.)
Amy has currently raised $1570 and has a goal of $3200!

Friday, After Work

2008-08-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

I live in the most beautiful place in America. I sit beneath a row of baby palm trees, toes in the bright green grass, eyes upon the sand and ocean. There's a lovely breeze coming off the water and a steady flow of runners, walkers, moms with strollers, cyclists, tourists and locals. And yet somehow, this is most peaceful spot in the world. It's perfect. And the special thing about it is, this could be a description of any day here. In this moment, I have the perfect life. I am thankful.

Another Story From The Bus- "Bitch Sitting Next To Me"

2008-08-13T17:07:00.001-07:00

If you're unfamiliar with bus rules and etiquette, let me take a moment to explain one of them to you. On all buses, there is a sign posted above the seats closest to the front that reads something similar to, "Please, reserve these seats for elderly and disabled passengers." The commonly accepted practice is that anyone may sit in those seats until an elderly or disabled person boards the bus, at which time those seats are immediately vacated and offered to these passengers. These seats are also frequently offered to parents with young children, even though the sign doesn't specify. Most people honor this practice and rarely is someone neglected in this regard. Okay, now for my story.

It's 8:52am and I've just gotten off my first bus. I 'm a bit tired this morning so even though, I'm not sure I have time, I'm stopping by the conveniently located 7-Eleven for a cup of coffee before heading to bus stop #2, which is just outside the store. After getting coffee and a banana and standing in line, I'm cutting it close but thankfully, as I leave the store the bus pulls up and I quickly board along with 3 other passengers. Everything appears to be normal, it's quiet, not crowded but full, some are reading, others listening to music, then seemingly out of nowhere comes a loud voice, "there's a bitch sitting next to me and she's not even 40!" What?! I know it's early so maybe I misheard that but everyone around this elderly woman can't help but laugh so I think she really just make that proclomation. I look up and see an elderly woman pointing and practically yelling, "There's a sign that says these seats are reserved and she's not even in a wheelchair!" She stands and walks toward the driver, who's concerned, and rightfully so, that this woman is standing on a moving bus but there's no stopping her. She continues, "this is ridiculous! I don't see any babies! These are reserved seats! That should be enforced! These are for ederly people and disabled people not young people! I don't know why she thinks she can sit there!" At this point, the entire bus is laughing because she's so irrate and going on and on about this great injustice. She ended her speech with "I hate kids!" as she walked off the bus. The poor girl sitting next to her handled it quite well. I bet she had no idea what was waiting for her when she chose her seat this morning!

Priceless. And when did 40 become "elderly?"

"Ask Me" by William Stafford

2008-07-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

Some time when the river is ice ask me
mistakes I have made. Ask me whether
what I have done is my life. Others
have come in their slow way into
my thought, and some have tried to help
or to hurt: ask me what difference
their strongest love or hate has made.

I will listen to what you say.
You and I can turn and look
at the silent river and wait. We know
the current is there, hidden; and there
are comings and going from miles away
that hold the stillness exactly before us.
What the river says, that is what I say.

History Becomes My Teacher

2008-06-27T16:25:00.001-07:00

Life is a bit unruly right now and therefore, not leaving me much time for writing on this blog. I'm not sure if it's lack of time or energy but the end result has been the same...long delays between posts. It's sad because it's something I enjoy and after reading through some old posts today, I was reminded that I write more for myself than for anyone else. So why do I make public? Good question and one to ponder at another time.

I have been making time to write here because of the commitment I made to be part of a team of fantastic women and I want to be as supportive as possible while also keeping my generous supporters up to date with my progress. Marathon training is quite time consuming but it's good for me. Exercise gives me an outlet to release my emotions from the day, be they good or bad and obviously, it gives my body strength and everyone knows that's important. Reading my posts from last season was fun and even informative. I can see how far I've come in my understanding of my body, my mind, my limitations, my strength. Over the past couple weeks, I found myself becoming gradually more frustrated. Why can't I run farther than this? Why are my friends, who haven't completed a marathon before (or any race in some cases,) able to run much farther/faster than me? I'm proud of them but what's wrong with me? I had many judgements for myself and I was slowing building resentment against my own body. Reading these old training entries somehow allowed me to accept my body, recognize my improvements and accomplishments and let go of the unspoken expectations I had placed on myself for this season. I'm sure I'll need reminders of this along the way but for today, I'm ready to move on, focused and determined but gracious.

Tim Russert, You Are Missed

2008-06-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

I didn't know him personally but like so many others, I felt like I did. Maybe it's the fact that we're both from Western New York or that I spent so many Sunday mornings watching Meet the Press and learning from him. Many of Tim's friends are telling their stories and offering eloquent statements. I won't attempt to improve upon them. I simply want to recognize that we've lost a remarkable man and I'm deeply sad for his family and for Buffalo. He is surely missed.

The following is an interview that Matt Lauer did with Luke Russert, Tim's courageous son.

Stories From The Bus

2008-06-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

This week, on LA's Metro:

Story #1: An elderly woman sits in the aisle seat with a 20-something woman sitting in the window seat. The older is searching through her bag, as though she's looking for something to do more than a specific item. Ah, she decides on an activity, it's time to retire the teeth for the evening. To the likely horror of the stranger seated on her left, she proceeds to extract her dentures, carefully wipe them off and put them into a box. She continued to rifle through her bag and pulled out a pair of latex gloves. I got nervous but thankfully, she was just moving them to a new location in her bag.

Story #2: A gray-haired man, looks to be in his early 60s, stands up from his seated position for seemingly no reason. He chooses to stand for quite some time at the front of the bus. He's not talking to the driver as some do but just standing there, occasionally, looking back at the rest of the passengers. After a few miles, he realizes he needs to adjust his undergarments and right then, takes his time dealing with his apparent wedgie...in front of the entire bus! Amazingly, no one said a thing but many chose that moment to look out the window and enjoy LA's scenery, which happened to be a gas station and a highway. He got off at the next stop and finished the job he started on the bus, that's right, he picked another wedgie as we drove on by!

For those wondering, according to dictionary.com, the definition of wedgie is:
"Informal. The condition of having one's underpants or other clothing uncomfortably stuck between the buttocks."

Thank you, LA Metro passengers, for entertaining me on a fairly regular basis.

TNT Training Update

2008-06-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

For anyone curious about my Nike Women's Marathon training, click here for the latest update.

The Good Samaritan

2008-05-22T18:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you who think LA is a scary city full of self-centered people, let me tell you a little story about my evening. As I sat in the office at my latest temp job, I overheard a few people mention dark clouds and the coming rain. Uh oh. I didn't have an umbrella in my bag. I know better than this. I've been relying on public transportation for two and a half years and I know one should never leave home without cash, a cell phone, a book, and an umbrella...even in southern California. As I left the office, it was only lightly raining but as I arrived at the bus stop, it was pouring. A guy came over with his umbrella and offered to share it with me. His name is Mark and he's my new best friend in LA! We got on the same bus and he told me where his stop was, which happened to be the same as mine. He walked me all the way to my apartment! Now, I know what you're thinking, he'll show up at my door in the middle of the night or something but I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt. He said he was "overdue for a good deed" and I was desperate and happy to oblige. I love life's unexpected moments and I'm glad that I'm more open to accepting them.

So, the next time you think of LA, think about how kind it's citizens are and plan a visit. Who knows, maybe Mark will share his umbrella. :) Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go put an umbrella in my bag.

1,694 Miles

2008-05-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my dad, one of my favorite activities is to hit the open road. Ironic, since I don't own a car and haven't for at least two and a half years. Over the weekend, I accompanied a friend on her move from Missouri to California. I did that same drive last fall with my sister and it was just as beautiful this time around. The views are just spectacular so if you ever have an opportunity to spend 24 hours in a car headed west, take it and take me!

"O public road, I say back I am not afraid to leave you, yet I love you, you express me better than I can express myself." ~Walt Whitman

Support A Good Cause

2008-05-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

Last week, I sent out my first email to family and friends, letting them know that I'm partnering with Team In Training again this year in order to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I'm also posting it here in case you would like to join me in this effort. Thanks, everyone!

******
Dear Family and Friends,

Last year, I had the distinct privilege of training for and participating in the Nike Women's Marathon with Team In Training (TNT). The event is a fundraiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) and thanks to many of you, it was a great success. It was such a moving experience that I've decided to do it again! And this time I'm taking along at least 7 college friends, my sister-in-law and my mom! Our training has begun and I'm asking for your support, perhaps for the second time.

This year's training is a bit different since I'm doing it along side so many people that I love. Kristin, a college friend of 15 years, is one of them and while this is her first endurance event, this is not her first encounter with the LLS. In 2000, her husband, Gideon, was diagnosed with Acute Promylocetic Leukemia and thanks to the research that has been done thus far, he is cancer-free today! Gideon and Kristin have three beautiful children and we are all grateful for the success of Gideon's treatment. We want more people to have the same opportunity at life. That's why we're running.

All of us with TNT are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma, myeloma from taking more lives. I'm completing this event in honor of my friend Gideon and all those battling blood cancers and in memory of all those who lost their lives to the disease. These people are the real heros on our team and we need your support to cross the ultimate finish line--a cure!

I am incredibly grateful for all the support I received last year. And I appreciate that many of you support deserving charities throughout the year. If you can consider this one, I'd like to ask that you please make a tax-deductible donation to the LLS on my behalf. Donations can be made at my website or if you would prefer to make a donation by check, feel free to contact me for instructions.

I hope you'll stop by my website often to check on my progress, visit the blog my college friends and I have set up to document our experiences, http://nikejournal.blogspot.com and even forward this email along to others that might be interested in partnering with a worthy cause. We welcome all support!

On behalf of the LLS and the lives they touch, thank you.

Amy

**********
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ~Mahatma Gandhi

I Hope, I Hope, I Hope

2008-05-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

Of course you've heard of them, maybe even known a few. Those people who's response to any difficult or negative experience or emotion is to exercise. HA! My whole life I've been dumbfounded by that response. It seems so unnatural. I mean, sure, I've had days where I felt better after a workout but that's where it ended. If I felt depressed, chocolate was my natural response-- NOT hitting the pavement.

Then last night, the strangest thing happened. I had a difficult day and felt frustrated and completely drained. I was scheduled to run/walk but I just didn't think I had the energy and planned to postpone a day. As I sat zombie-like on the couch, I felt an almost uncontrollable and overwhelming need to physically work out the frustrations of my day. I had to have a place to put it all. Afraid I might lose momentum, I threw on my running clothes and hit the pavement. It wasn't the best 2 miles of my life but it was a great release of all the negative emotions and even tiredness I was feeling. I was lighter, happier, more peaceful at the end so it worked. Whew.

I believed people when they said it was natural for them to run after a hard day. I just didn't ever think I would be one of them. I hope, I hope, I hope this becomes my natural response to...well, anything! Good or bad. Maybe someday. Until then, this seems like a good start.

Impatience and Peace

2008-04-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the neighbors, this is the view that greets me each time I leave the apartment. Ah. Breathe. California has some of the most beautiful flowers with the most vibrant colors and it feeds my soul to lay eyes on them everyday. These are the things that keep me from becoming too frustrated in the midst of job searching. I haven't written about my experience in this area and I won't dwell on it now but I'd like to say, if one needs an ego-buster, try job searching. My plan was to move to LA, temp for a few months, add to the savings, travel internationally, come back to the states and look for a permanent job. Things have not worked out as I planned so I find myself making different decisions and re-evaluating my future.

Travel is the piece that is most concerning to me. I've never traveled internationally before and while I'm really nervous about doing it solo, I can't wait to see the world! My thoughts of spending 3 months or more in a culture have shifted to 10 days, anything just to be "there." I've been reading lots of blogs written by various people living in other parts of the world and living vicariously through them. But, perhaps selfishly, I want my own experience and like a two year old, I WANT IT NOW! On more than once occasion, I've come quite close to hitting the "buy" button on a flight to Italy. If only I could guarantee I'd have a job when I got back, I wouldn't mind going into debt over this trip. Of course, there are no guarantees. I just don't want to be one of those people so tied to the pocket book that they don't take risks or follow their hearts because of the "what ifs." I'm not much of a risk-taker, especially when it comes to money, so intentional debt is a difficult choice for me. It feels irresponsible.

So with all the noise in my brain over travel, employment, money, risks, and dreams, I'm grateful for the nature that surrounds me and offers serenity.

Birthday Recap

2008-04-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

As kids, my sister and I spent many years celebrating our birthdays together since they are just two days apart. As adults, however, it's been a different story since we haven't lived in the same state since I was in college. And well, that was a while ago. Here it is 2008 and we find ourselves not only in the same state but in the same apartment! And here's how we celebrated our birthdays...

Thursday, April 17th (My birthday)
Thankfully, I was called for my first temp job, a great birthday present in itself, but it was made better by the fact that it was at Reb Bull which meant a relaxed atmosphere- jeans are encouraged! My tasks were quite mundane but it proved to be an entertaining day thanks to a co-worker who seemed to think she had just 8 hours to tell me everything about her life. Luck for me, we ended up having a whole second day to finish her life story since the project remained unfinished. After work, my sister, Melissa, picked me up and took me to Wilshire Restaurant where we indulged by toasting with some Pinot Grigio and sharing a couple appetizers we had never tried before, Hamachi Sashimi and Steak Tartar and followed it up with a couple desserts, Brown Butter Banana Cream Cake and Chocolate Pudding Cake. Oh my stars, everything was fabulous! Including this fun gift (but in black) from Melissa. When I arrived at home, there were beautiful flowers waiting on my doorstep from my dear friend, Michelle. I certainly felt spoiled. Thank you to everyone who sent birthday wishes, it means a lot to me.

Friday, April 18th (Day between birthdays)
Again, we both went to work but then I joined Melissa and several of her friends from work for a Birthday Eve Happy Hour at South, a new restaurant in Santa Monica. These girls know how to do happy hour, it lasted over 3 hours!

Saturday, April 19th (Melissa's birthday)
We slept in, always a good way to celebrate a birthday, and eventually, did a little shopping. Melissa spent the rest of the day with her boyfriend while I cleaned, went grocery shopping, and baked yummy Chocolate Cupcakes with Berry Ganache and Cinnamon Buttercream to be enjoyed the next day.

Sunday, April 20th (Day after birthdays)
Melissa had decided she wanted to celebrate her birthday with wine tasting at some vineyards in Santa Barbara County. Sunday was the day that all of us were available so my parents, Melissa, Erik and I took the 2 hour trip and visited Sunstone Vineyards and Rusack Vineyards. Both were lovely but we all preferred the wine at Sunstone. The coastal drive and the vineyards were beautifully scenic and the tasting itself was fun, as was the picnic lunch we enjoyed in the middle of the day. I look forward to future visits to vineyards and I highly anyone to give it a try, if they ever have the opportunity. Melissa, good choice and happy birthday! Below are some pictures from the day.

Sitting at Sunstone listening to live music.

Tasting some red wines in the second tasting room at Sunstone.

Dad and me in the wine cellar at Sunstone.

Welcome to Rusack Vineyards.

Enjoying the sun while wine tasting. Cheers to Melissa!

10.19.08

2008-04-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, I posted a blog that included an email I had received from Amy encouraging people to sign up for the 2008 Nike Women's Marathon, a benefit for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Of course, I've written a lot about this event because I participated in it last year. While it was an incredibly moving and powerful experience, I never thought I'd do it again. One marathon was enough, right?

It was 4am on a March morning, I had yet to fall asleep so I gave in and picked up my computer to catch up on email. I had received another announcement about the marathon and remembered how great it felt to be part of such an important cause. Did I want to give it another go? No, that would be crazy. I hadn't forgotten the ice baths, the black toe nails, the pain! Or the honor patients, the moving stories, the laughter, the sense of accomplishment! It would be really great to share this experience with people that I love. This fall will mark 15 years of friendship for me and a group of girlfriends that met freshman year in college. Training and fundraising together for a marathon or half marathon sounds like a great way to celebrate this milestone, doesn't it? Of course not. Who's going to want to spend their reunion weekend running/walking the streets of San Francisco? Well, I sent them all an email titled "10 Reasons To Call Me Crazy" and threw out my idea and recognized that I would likely have a change of heart once I had a good night's sleep. But that was irrelevant because surely, these wise women would shake some sense into me and remind me that we don't get together to run long distance races.

The responses came:
"Call ME crazy but that actually seems like a really neat idea."
"It's actually kind of tempting."
"Ok, I am crazy...I'm considering too."
"I think I'm interested."
"I'm in."
"WWWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTT?????? Oh, the pressure..."
"I'm in, too."

What?! They were supposed to laugh at me and agree that I was crazy and sleep deprived. Instead, every last person responded positively, not committing but agreeing to consider it. Well, it's been about 6 weeks and several of us have already started training and even fundraising as we wait for the official TNT Kick-Off. Currently, 9 of us have committed to the marathon or half marathon, representing 2 countries and 5 states. It's possible that the team may a grow a bit as there's still a few weeks before registration begins in many areas. LA has an early bird registration so I signed up last week making my participation official! I still can't believe I'm doing it again but I'm really excited about sharing it with these dear friends and maybe even a few family members!

I have a goal to raise $3200 before August 1st. As exciting as it is to be partnering with such special people, it will make the fundraising more challenging. I'm up for the challenge so if you have any ideas for fundraising, please share. In the meantime, please visit my fundraising website (website no longer active) and feel free to pass it along to everyone you know and/or add it to your blogs and websites. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those affected by cancer.

If you would like to follow the progress of me and my friends, please visit TRAIN RUN HOPE CURE and feel free to comment. We need all the encouragement and support we can get!

Thanks to all who supported me last year and to all who will support me this year. I am grateful.

The Art Of Science

2008-04-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

Did anyone else not know that moths were so furry? Thanks for this science lesson, Steve.

A Baker's Dozen

2008-03-31T23:32:00.000-07:00

I've not made many muffins in my lifetime but when I have, I've mostly been underwhelmed with the result. So when it became my job to bring the muffins to my family's Easter brunch, I was on a mission to find a muffin recipe that would change my luck. Sure, I could have purchased them at a bakery but what fun would that be? I ended up making three different types and I thought I'd pass along the two that won the best-muffins-i've-ever-made award.

The first is for these Raspberry-Topped Lemon Muffins that I found at SmittenKitchen.com, a website I really enjoy. The picture above is of the mini-muffins but I made the full-four-raspberry-sized muffins. Be careful of the cooking time, it suggests 35 min. but mine took less, maybe 27 min. These were my favorite, tasty and lovely!

The second recipe is the To Die For Blueberry Muffin recipe I located at AllRecipes.com. The only adjustments I made were to substitute buttermilk for milk since I was already using it in the other muffins and while I made two batches of batter, I only made one batch of the crumb topping and that worked well. Everyone loves blueberry muffins but it's hard to find a recipe that lives up to what you might find in your favorite coffee shop. This is as close as it gets, at least for me!

Happy baking!

Why On God's Green Earth

2008-03-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

Global warming. We've all heard arguments on either side, it's a fact, it's a hoax. If you fall into the fact category, then you are likely doing things to reduce your carbon footprint and to encourage others to do the same. You may be more conscious of the food you buy, gravitating towards natural, fresh and local ingredients instead of packaged and processed foods full of ingredients you can't pronounce that have flown across oceans in order to be available at your local supermarket. You may use public transportation and/or drive a hybrid vehicle to reduce the amount of oil you consume. You may live by the motto of "reduce, reuse, recycle" and even compost your food waste. You may bring your own reusable shopping bags for groceries or other items to avoid adding to the size or our landfills. You may have made changes to your homes like unplugging appliances not in use, turning out lights when the room it is unoccupied, switching to energy efficient light bulbs and programmable thermostats to reduce the amount of electricity and natural gas necessary to run your household, even allowing you to save money. Of course, this is a small sampling of the things people are doing in an effort to take better care of the earth.

The thing is, whether you believe global warming is a problem or not, what harm is there is consuming less of the world's resources? Why is being more responsible with the gifts we've been given a bad idea? Why on God's green earth wouldn't we want to keep God's earth green?

Mad About Color

2008-03-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

I discovered the Mad Baker's blog today and it is filled with the most vibrant colors and spectacular cookies, cakes, and pastries! The above Lemon Meringue Tart was one of my favorite photos. Have you ever seen meringue like that? I have never made meringue of any kind but this makes me want to try! On the other hand, it makes me happy just to look at Karen's works of art.

For All You Parents

2008-03-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

I read a list of beautiful lies that one parent confesses to have told his little one recently. I think these are the kinds of lies I would tell if I were a parent or even better, the kinds of lies I would hope to hear if I were a child.

Heading East: Lies I've Told My 3 Year Old Recently

No One Is Alone. Truly.

2008-03-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

Last night, I came across this blog entry written by Nicole J. Butler and I think it's a topic that most of us can relate to, no matter our occupation. Here are a few excerpts:

No matter what words follow "I am the only one", the subtext is the same: "There is something wrong with me." This pattern of thought isolates us. Causes us to withdraw from one another for fear of being exposed.

Last year was a record year for my acting career, and at the beginning of this year (when auditions were especially slow) I was asking myself "what if?" Y'all know the drill (all together now) "What if I never get another gig?" "What if last year was a fluke?" "What if they* discover I'm really just winging it all?" In my head I knew that trying to find answers to these questions was a fool's errand, but in my gut, I really wondered. In my efforts to shake these thoughts, I started painting more, reading more, writing, listening to music, planning travel...indulging my other interests. My rationale was that living a more well-rounded life would actually serve my acting, and if I never acted again, at least I'd have a well-rounded life.

Many of the other actors (some big names, some not) in the interviews and articles were saying the same things: "What if I never get another job?" "What if they find out I'm a fraud?" And then there were several who had reached the same conclusion that I have: That it's important to have other interests, other options, and people in your life that help you keep it all in perspective. I was relieved to realized that I am not the only one who had these thoughts, and that asking these questions doesn't mean I'm faithless, it means I'm human. And I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one.

Thanks, Nicole.

Nike Women's Marathon 2008

2008-02-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

I recently received the following email from Amy and thought I'd pass it along for any of you that might like to complete a marathon and/or actively support a good cause.

Ladies (& Gentlemen too!) ~

Nike has just posted some information about the registration of the Nike Women's Marathon this year. I want to be sure everyone is aware so we can all get in and complete this glorious event together. :)

The overwhemling popularity of this marathon has caused Nike to select participants through a random drawing this year. You will need to register for the lottery/drawing starting on March 4th and be sure you have completed your entry by March 18th. The good news is that this will again sell-out and raise lots of money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The bad news is that it could be a little tougher to get in as a participant.

However...if you sign up through the TNT program and commit to raising a couple G's for LLS then you're IN. I highly suggest this going this route. Raising the $$$ is a cinch. Once you tell people what an amazing thing that you are doing, they can't help but open their wallets and donate money for this incredibly deserving charity.

I have benefitted from the money that this charity has raised over the last 20 years. The dollars raised fund life-saving research and provide cancer patients a network of resources that become invaluable when you are facing a battle with cancer.

When I remember back to just one year ago at this time ~ I was coughing violently and didn't know why. It was waking me up at night and distracting my co-workers at the office during the day. I was scratching my itchy skin and wondering just how much lotion might eventually stop the itchiness. I was waking up at night drenched in sweat thinking my pajamas made me hot...but they hadn't ever before?

On March 5th I was diagnosed with stage III non-Hodgkins lymphoma and started the toughest chapter of my life. My battle with the big C. LLS and TNT were dropped right out heaven and in to my life. Ironically, I had been a participant during several seasons and had raised about $15,000 - never knowing anyone that had leukemia or lymphoma. Suddenly, it was me with the disease and the word "honoree" on my singlet. There I was at the early morning practice giving the team my best "thank you for what you are doing for us" speech. I could never thank the TNT participants without getting choked up. I still can not. In fact, just typing this brings tears to my eyes.

I hope that you will sign up for this event. If you have never done an event with TNT I think you will find yourself pleasantly surprised. If you're like me, you will raise the money with ease and find the physical training to be the tougher part. Whether you sign up for the full (26.2 miles) or the half (13.1 miles) you will feel incredible when you're all done. Don't be afraid to raise the money. IT WILL COME.

And sorry, just because I now work at Nike doesn't mean anyone of us automatically gets in...even me! All Nike employees have to get in through the lottery or TNT. No exceptions.

Please consider signing up for TNT. You won't regret it. I promise! Feel free to forward this to anyone you know that would be interested.

--

amy bartlett
www.ichoosehope.com
"Before cancer I just lived, now I live strong." -Lance Armstrong

And The Oscar Goes To...

2008-02-25T11:09:00.001-08:00

Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová for Falling Slowly from the beautiful independent film, Once.

This was easily the highlight of the night! I was so excited for them, a couple of independent musicians walking home with an Oscar. What are the chances? Their work in this film was fantastic and if you haven't seen Once, you should add it to the top of your Netflix queue immediately.

Glen gave the first acceptance speech:

Thanks! This is amazing. What are we doing here? This is mad. We made this film two years ago. We shot on two Handicams. It took us three weeks to make. We made it for a hundred grand. We never thought we would come into a room like this and be in front of you people. It's been an amazing thing. Thanks for taking this film seriously, all of you. It means a lot to us. Thanks to the Academy, thanks to all the people who've helped us, they know who they are, we don't need to say them. This is amazing. Make art. Make art. Thanks.

And God bless Jon Stewart for recognizing the importance of this moment and inviting Markéta back to the stage to give her acceptance speech after the music cut her off before one word escaped her lips.

Hi everyone. I just want to thank you so much. This is such a big deal, not only for us, but for all other independent musicians and artists that spend most of their time struggling, and this, the fact that we're standing here tonight, the fact that we're able to hold this, it's just to prove no matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible. And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream and don't give up. And this song was written from a perspective of hope, and hope at the end of the day connects us all, no matter how different we are. And so thank you so much, who helped us along the way. Thank you.

Congratulations, Glen & Markéta! A well deserved honor.

I love LA!

2008-02-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

If my cousin, Kathy, is trying to convince to stay in LA forever by offering me theatre tickets, it's working. Last night, I had planned to make dinner and watch the democratic debate. But then she called and gave me opportunity to see one of the many musicals I've been wanting to see for years, Wicked. Obviously, I put the chicken back in the refrigerator, recorded the debate & got ready to go to Pantages Theatre.

I was like a little kid, singing the songs, imagining the first moment that the lights dim & the orchestra's first notes fill the room. Melissa quickly implemented a "no singing songs from Wicked" rule in the car on the way to the show and I reluctantly agreed. It was her car, after all.

As we traveled down Hollywood Blvd., we found ourselves taking a detour due to a road closure. Why? Because the Kodak Theatre is on Hollywood Blvd. and they are setting up for the Oscars, of course! (Amy, welcome to LA.) We arrived, walked down Hollywood Blvd, noticing the stars beneath our feet, stopped for a cup of coffee and met my cousin's family just before the start of the show.

We had great seats and I throughly enjoyed the performance. It's a fun show that's completely over the top and still touching and funny. Again, I felt like a little kid as I allowed myself to enter the world and story that was presented to me. I think that's one of the things I love most about theatre. Imagination is a beautiful thing and when paired with live theatre, it's heaven.

LA is working out just fine.

Frozen Grand Central

2008-02-20T10:45:00.000-08:00

How fun! Thanks to Ruth and Jon for introducing it to me.

Laundry Day

2008-02-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

For most of you, going to the laundromat is likely nothing more than a distant memory. Well, some of us are still taking those Saturday or Sunday voyages and it can feel like an incarceration at times. You are trapped in a crowded and drab space, hoping the machines you need are available at the time you need them, and wishing you could stay focused on the book you brought to help pass the time rather that the many distractions competing for your attention.

My sister had passed by a laundromat in Culver City that she thought would make the experience more enjoyable so we ventured out on Saturday to try out the EZ Web Laundromat & Cafe. That's right, the words web, cafe & laundromat all used in the same sentence...or rather, the same business name. It's not perfect but it is certainly a step up from the usual laundry experience. It was a beautiful day so after we put our laundry in the washer, we went to the cafe where I purchased a hazelnut latte and melissa chose fruit juice and a banana, and we sat outside at a little round table where we read and took turns checking on the laundry. And did I mention that we had a nice view of the mountains when we looked up from our books? I mean really, there are some perks to living in LA. We didn't try out their wifi connection but for me, it's just the concept that's so great. Anything that makes going to the laundromat better than spending the day behind bars is A-OK by me!

My True Love

2008-02-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

A special thank you to my cousin, Kathy, who invited my sister and me to join her for The Color Purple at the Ahmanson Theatre. Anyone that knows me, knows that theatre tickets are the way to my heart. Nothing moves me like the live theatre and last night's experience was no different.

I had heard mixed reviews of The Color Purple but I thought it was powerful, interesting, touching, and funny. It's difficult subject matter and I wondered how that would translate on the stage without being unbearably heavy but all involved wrote, composed and designed it well. While there are obvious leads in the show, the cast worked brilliantly as an ensemble. Having said that, Jeannette Bayardelle (Celie) deserves some praise. She gave us strong character development and powerful and emotive vocals that brought beauty, strength and humanity to the role of Celie. Overall, it was another wonderful night at the theatre. Thank you, Kath!

Yes, We Can

2008-02-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

Home Sweet Home

2008-02-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe not just yet but after a crazy couple weeks of sorting, purging, packing, shipping, and cleaning, and with the help of many generous people, I've made it to sunny southern California. My sister graciously made room for me in her life and apartment and today, I will begin trying to figure out exactly where I live. In case you were wondering, LA is huge and while this is not news to me, I've never had to figure out how to get around the area by myself. I'm sure it will provide many entertaining stories and I'll do my best to pass those along.

It feels good to be here even though so much is still unknown and there are many obvious differences between KC & LA. For one, my social calendar increased tenfold before I even made it out of LAX. Of course, that's evidence of moving nearer family but it made me laugh and it'll take some getting used to. As I mentioned above, I don't know where anything is and I'm still trying to avoid buying a car so I'll soon find out what their mass transit has to offer. I'm continuing my KC job for a month so that gives me some time to job search while still having an income, quite helpful. I love how many people are here, the diversity of the population & the fact that I can say goodbye to winter already! While all of this can be overwhelming at times, I'm really hopeful for this next stage of my life. Wonder what it will bring...

Overflowing

2008-01-24T10:28:00.001-08:00

So much to say and yet I struggle to put all that I feel into words. I've wished many times over the last several weeks to add another entry here but I've not known where to begin. Today, I will do more than just stare at the empty screen. I will write something. It may not be inspiring or witty or even interesting but it will be something. I write more for myself than anyone else that might stop by, although I hope others find something of value in reading the experiences of another. There are many changes occurring in my life and I've always been one to document transitions. This is where I'll begin.

Over the last 5 days, I've taken a tour of my life as I've sifted through the boxes of what once was my childhood. I can't believe all that I've held onto for so many years or how much I've forgotten as the decades have passed by. It's been a long time since I've read through yearbooks, viewed drawings from my younger brothers, read cards and notes from my dear family and friends, looked through photographs of pigtails, braces and hair so big is would likely frighten small children. While I'm overwhelmed with the volume of these items, I'm also incredibly grateful for these momentos. I've had such a rich and blessed life. Not becasue of the things I've had so much as the people who have graced the pages of my story. I was given a loving family and the most caring friends from a very young age to now. I'm not sure why I've been so lucky but I will try my best to be continually thankful and offer the same beauty and generosity to those I share life with today.

I've taken this trip down memory lane in an effort to consolidate my belongings. Why? Because I'm moving and since I don't have a car or own enough to justify renting a moving truck, I'll be shipping everything I own (after selling or giving away my furniture) and flying to sunny LA. Kansas City has been my home for almost four years and while I've met some great people, it just hasn't worked for me. I'll spare you the details and say that I'm moving in order to find a place that better suits me. While I'm not sure LA is ideal, it's a good place to start. As usual, I'm a little nervous because I'm headed into the unknown again but I'm hopeful, too. I'll be living with my sister initially, continuing my current job for another month while looking for temp work. My plan is to work for a couple months then spend a month traveling internationally before returning to the states and facing real life and real jobs again. I haven't decided what county or countries I will visit but I'm excited about this adventure!

I have many more thoughts but I'll end here for today. I'm wishing you all a blessed and adventurous 2008.

My Holiday Blues

2007-12-31T14:30:00.000-08:00

Another sunny, blue sky filled Christmas. I spent a full week in southern California catching up with family, seeing my sister's new apartment and my cousin's new apartment, baking cookies, attending several parties, going to The Getty museum, hiking in the Laguna Beach area, visiting the ocean, eating, drinking, talking, laughing, crying. Ya know, all the usual things that we try to cram into one visit every year. I think it's safe to say, we're all exhausted but glad to have had some time together. (Ben, we missed you!)

Sadly, I returned to KC tired and sick. It looks like my New Year's celebration will be quite chill, or downright boring. This holiday has never proved to be anything like those depicted in the movies. Someday, I will find myself dancing the night away at a fabulous party, in a spectacular dress, with champagne in one hand and a beautiful man on my arm. Until then, I'll be on my couch, in pjs, cough medicine in one hand and alone. Forgive, the melodrama...I'm sick on New Year's, people. Give me a break.

Here's hoping you're having a more exciting and romantic evening. Happy New Year, everyone.

Peace To You

2007-12-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

Until Monday, I was enjoying a perfectly calm holiday season. Sure I have to travel for the holidays which can be stressful for some but I happen to really like airports and my lovely family decided to pick names this year which meant I had very little shopping to do. While I am not a fan of shopping, I do love to give gifts so it was hard not to break the rules. We also put a modest limit on the amount of money we were to spend on each gift, also difficult but it turned out to be a fun challenge. I added another challenge by pledging to only give handmade items this year, either made by me or someone else. There are lots of great things out there made by very talented people so the only problem was choosing which one to go with. In the end, I'm very pleased with my choice and I hope "my person" is too!

As I mentioned above, I was doing so well until Monday. Work got a little (or a LOT) crazy in ways I wasn't expecting and it was a little (or a LOT) out of hand. I was lamenting the absence of peace in those few days (which felt like an eternity,) hoping 13 hour work days wouldn't last much longer, wondering how I was going to make progress on the personal to-do list (which was short but there was no extra time in sight,) when I was finding myself exhausted at the end of each work day. I do not like holiday stress- stress because of the holidays or during the holidays. Everyone around me is stressed out so I do the best I can to avoid that same lifestyle and for the most part I am successful. Hence, my frustration when life seemed to explode on Monday. Well, the work has slowed down and peace is returning to my quiet little life, for which I am grateful. I still have a few things to take care of before flying out tomorrow but nothing to lose my head over. I feel like myself again.

As you may be approaching your holidays and calendars filled with events and extended family, may you also have peace. May you find moments to simply breathe, observe the beauty around you, feel the love you have for your family and friends, and say a prayer for the world.

Wishing you peace this holiday season.

Perhaps The Perfect Weekend

2007-12-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

I'm sure there are many definitions of "the perfect weekend" but allow me to describe one. And it just so happens that this particular description comes from my own experience and it starts on Thursday.

Double Booked Thursday

Let me begin by saying, this is highly unusual for me. After work, I met my friend, Rania, for an early dinner. We had both skipped lunch and were starving at 5:00 so we met on The Country Club Plaza since it was the central location. However, we did not consider the possibility that all of Kansas City would be there shopping their little hearts out, therefore, making the usual convenient parking experience, a complete nightmare. So, we opted to leave the shopping haven for a simple dinner at the one and only, Planet Sub. I hadn't been there in a while so it was fun and we chatted about life, jobs, family, cultures, traveling, NYC, etc.

We parted and I took The Max home, changed clothes, walked to the downtown transit center, and took the 57 to the fabulous, JP Wine Bar where I was meeting my friend, Kelly. Every couple months, we meet there to catch up over wine and cheese flights. It's divine. We talked about life, family, charity, values, the holidays, international travel, friends, etc. In this conversation, we discovered that we both had a favorite sweet spot that the other had never been to so we decided that we would meet on Saturday to introduce each other to these tasty treats. What a fun thing to look forward to!

Freedom Friday

Financial freedom, that is. December 14, 2007, will go down in history as one of my favorite days ever. Most of us have debt of some kind, and while it may be good debt, it can still feel like imprisonment. I've been excitedly nearing the end of one such sentence but I wasn't exactly sure when I'd be paroled. On Friday, I looked at my bank account that included a recent payroll deposit and I realized my freedom day had arrived. Barely able to contain my joy, I gave myself the most fantastic early Christmas present I could imagine and submitted my final student loan payment! I am no longer owned by Houghton College! God bless us, everyone.

Sensual Saturday

I had a hard time falling asleep the previous night, perhaps too excited over Freedom Friday, so I slept in on Saturday morning. At noon, Kelly picked me up and we began our afternoon tour of some new and old favorite KC spots. Our first stop was my opportunity to introduce Kelly to the lovely and delicious, Baby Cakes, which I experienced for the first time this summer. After perusing the delightful shop and talking with one of their employees, Kelly chose the traditional vanilla cupcake with vanilla frosting to be enjoyed later.

Since we knew we would be indulging in quite the sugar-filled afternoon, we thought it best to stop for lunch so we didn't end up sick! We settled on the new Pizza Bella on Baltimore and 18th, in the Crossroads District. We had both been wanting to check it out and this was the perfect oportunity. It comes as no surprise to most, that I'm often sceptical about pizza in KC since it's so different from the pizza I grew up with in WNY. However, as long as I order something in the gourmet realm, I won't be disappointed. Pizza Bella offers wood fired pizza and I ordered the Biancoverde (fresh mozzarella, ricotta, pecorino romano, & arugula)- perfectly satisfying. Plus, the restaurant itself has been beautifully designed to include interesting textures, clean lines, fun red chairs, an argyle wallpapered wall across from the restrooms, and large windows that allowed us to watch the falling snow.

We put our To Go boxes in the car and decided to visit the snow-covered shops that are on the same block. Did you know that you can buy local and handmade underwear? I often try to buy local and handmade products and food whenever I can but it never occured to me that it would be possible to do this with underwear! This was one of the many things I learned while talking with the very sweet, enthusiastic and bored (due to the lack of customers on this snowy day) employee of Birdies. I highly recommend a visit. We continued down the block talking with shop owners and clothing designers happy to have a distraction from the quietness of their afternoons. Some sold clothing made from recycled fabrics, others offered local art, handmade soaps and lotions, high end silk gowns and quirky things like bright yellow and orange horizontally striped unitards! Talk about an eclectic shopping experience.

Next, it was Kelly's turn to introduce me to her favorite local sweet spot, Christopher Elbow Artisanal Chocolates. All I can say is "Wow!" You truly must visit this magnificent gallery of chocolatey goodness. It was overwhelmingly beautiful. The space is beautiful but the chocolates, oh, the chocolates! They are without a doubt the most exquisite chocolates I've ever seen or tasted. Yes, the website includes pictures but they don't do them justice, they must be viewed in person. We ordered the most intense and rich hot chocolate, which they call "drinking chocolate," ever to have graced our taste buds. Let me warn you, do not order chocolates AND drinking chocolate at Christopher Elbow. It is not possible to consume both. However, you can order the drinking chocolate, sip it slowly while sitting at the window, again watching the snow fall, and take chocolates home to be enjoyed at a later time...a much later time. And just to clarify, the drinking chocolate is delicious! The flavor is deep and dark and the texture is smooth and thick making you savor it slowly, which I'm convinced, is how hot chocolate was meant to be experienced. This was a truly decadent afternoon! Thanks, Kelly!

On my way home, Rania called and we made a plan to hang out. I thoroughly enjoyed the snowy walk home, dropped off my afternoon purchases, picked up my Netflix movie that had thankfully arrived, turned around, headed back to the bus stop, took The Max to Rania's house, catching up on a few phone calls along the way. We watched the independent film, Waitress, which was an excellent recommendation by my friend, Laci, had a fantastic bottle of red wine and delicious chili that Rania made earlier in the day. A perfect way to top off this snowy day of complete indulgence.

Simple Sunday

Outside of volunteering at the Kansas City Reperatory Theater this evening and finishing the large mug of coffee sitting next to me, I have no plans. I not sure I could handle anything else, some recovery time is in order.

So, that is the description of my weekend. While a perfect weekend, I'm glad these are not regular occurrences. I guess their rarity is part of what makes them perfect. Thank you friends, thank you local shop owners, artists, designers, sommeliers, bakers and chefs, thank you KCATA, and thank you Mother Nature. If you made it to the end of this post, you deserve a prize! To adequately relay the events and experience of these four days, fewer words would not do.

May a perfect weekend be in your near future.

Free Music- 24 hours left!

2007-12-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

Nettwerk Music Group and the Vancouver Sun are pleased to announce another free digital download album. It's Seriously Westcoast Vol.2 - Happy Holidays. Seasonally themed and features 15 songs from such
artists as Barenaked Ladies, Sarah McLachlan, Medieval Baebes, Jars of Clay and many more (like the fabulous Matt Wertz & The Weepies!)

This special digital album will only be available for a limited time staring on Saturday, December 15 at 12:01am for 48 hours only. To download your album go here.

So, tell all your friends to come and download some great holiday music.

Best Wishes and Have a Safe & Happy Holiday Season.

-Everyone at Nettwerk & the Vancouver Sun

TRACKLISTING:
01 - Barenaked Ladies - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
02 - The Weepies - All That I Want
03 - Sarah McLachlan - Silent Night
04 - Matt Wertz What Child Is This
05 - Liily Frost - Skating On The River
06 - Oh Susanna - Go Tell It On The Mountain
07 - Medieval Baebes - The Holly & The Ivy
08 - The Be Good Tanyas - Rudy
09 - Barenaked Ladies - Elf's Lament
10 - Melissa McClelland O - Holy Night-MST
11 - Jars Of Clay - Hibernation Day
12 - Jenny Owen Youngs - Things We Don't Need Anymore
13 - Martha Wainwright - Merry Christmas And Happy New Year
14 - Kyle Andrews - Under The Misteltoe
15 - Leigh Nash - The First Noel
16 - Sarah McLachlan - The First Noel_Mary Mary (DJ Shah Remix)

3191

2007-12-12T14:16:00.001-08:00

This sweet blog is one of my favorite lunch time visits. Two friends living 3191 miles apart take a photograph almost every morning to share with one another, and the world. I know what it's like to try to stay connected with loved ones living far away and this is such a unique and beautiful way to share a bit of their daily experiences with one another. I hope they continue with this practice in 2008.

Much love to you, my friends and family so far away. I miss you and hope you're all enjoying this holiday season.

The First Ice Storm Of The Season

2007-12-11T11:07:00.000-08:00

Just letting you know that all is well, for me at least, in the icy midwest. Thanks to those of you that checked in on me. Things are covered in ice but it wasn't as bad as the meteorologists predicted for our area. Other areas are having a much different experience. Here the roads appear to be well treated, however, local students and teachers are enjoying a snow day, and I'm working from home. I know it's dangerous but it's also GORGEOUS!

Be safe and stay warm, everyone.

I'm Just A Broadway Baby

2007-12-08T14:27:00.001-08:00

Anyone that really knows me, knows that I have a deep love for musical theatre. In fact, I would say musical theatre was my first love and the reason that I pursued music in high school and college. In every stage of my life, there has come a time when I returned to that love, whether it was a string of tours passing through town that I'd attend even though I didn't have the money, or the purchase of new soundtracks that I'd play until I couldn't listen to another note, or a book I'd purchase and spend every waking moment reading until it was completed, or the days I would stand at a piano trying to find my voice again. Usually, it's some combination of all those activities. I've never paid attention to the pattern of these phases or moods or OCD moments so I'm not sure how frequently they present or how they vary in length of stay. That might be interesting to know...at least, interesting to me.

As I'm sure you can guess, I'm in one of those phases right now and have been for the last few weeks. I've re-discovered some old CDs, including soundtracks and compilations, I've started singing when I'm alone at the studio or even waiting at a bus stop, I've watched several YouTube videos, Broadway.com videos and movies like Show Business: The Road To Broadway, and my latest find is The Jeff Blumenkrantz Songbook Podcast, where I've spent the majority of this day. I'm not sure if he's planning to add new podcasts but even if he isn't, I've got lots of catching up to do!

Thank you to the world-wide theatre community for adding such beauty and inspiration to my life.

Thoughts In Darkness

2007-12-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

A warm December walk home from the bus stop capped my work day. It was a gorgeous night and I couldn't help but notice the darkness, which I'm still not used to experiencing in the five o'clock evening hour. The city is beautiful in the dark. The lights downtown are bright enough to make the city seem alive. All imperfections are hidden. People are black silhouettes making us all undeniably equal. Everyone and everything is beautiful in the dark.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

2007-11-22T09:20:00.000-08:00

So, did you watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? That's one of my mom's favorite events of the year. I'm sure she had it on while prepping the turkey in LA. I even got a text from my brother, Luke, this morning asking if I was watching it. I was sleeping. It was 8:30am. I did catch the end of it but I'm not the biggest fan of parades, don't tell my mom or Luke.

Ah, I love my family and I'm thankful that I get to see some of them next week at my cousin's wedding. It's hard to live so far away sometimes. Wherever you find yourself today, I wish you all a lovely Thanksgiving with your family and friends.

First Snow

2007-11-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing! This is my favorite day of the year. Seriously. And it came 9 days earlier than 2006.

The rain changed to snow before my very eyes and in that moment a miserable day turned beautiful. There's a rush of energy running through my body and nothing can alter my state of happiness for the rest of the day. Every year on this holiday, I find myself sitting on a comfy chair or couch near a window, with a blanket on my lap, a steamy beverage in my hand, while writing in my journal. It's my little tradition and I love it. I love the first snow. I feel like it's just for me.

Dreams

2007-11-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Do you have them? I don't mean the kind that come with REM but those that answer the questions, "what do I want to be when I grow up?" or "what do I hope for my life? or "what do I wish to contribute to the world?" What are your dreams? Can you articulate them? What were your childhood dreams? Are you living them? Where do dreams come from? How important are they?

Isn't She Lovely?

2007-11-16T07:04:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last several weeks drooling over the artisic talents of some designers and printers I recently discovered. I didn't realize I was in love with the letterpress until I saw this. Lynn Russell is the designer and printer behind Satsuma Press from Portland, OR, and her work is lovely. Below is one her holiday cards and if I had the money, I would be sending one to all of you this holiday season.

You can purchase this card and others from Lynn's Etsy Shop. (Be sure to check out her 2008 calendar, someone in my life will be getting this for Christmas. Love it!) And if you haven't discovered Etsy before, you're in for a treat. It's a great place to find original and handmade art. I felt so inspired after seeing Lynn's work that I had to share it with the world. I hope you have a similar experience.

Happy Birthday, Ben!

2007-11-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

I love you!

The Week...Or Maybe Next

2007-11-07T15:56:00.000-08:00

I've had much to think about lately but I won't bore you with all the details, at least not right now. But I will ask you a question. What motivates you to workout? Apparently, I need the fear of a marathon to get me to the gym. While this isn't exactly breaking news, it is an incredibly frustrating reality.

This was supposed to be The Week. The Week I return to a regular workout routine, although, not as rigorous as my marathon training routine. I gave myself a nice two weeks to enjoy some rest, food, and all the extra time that suddenly appeared in each day. But I thought that was enough and I was looking forward to exercising and feeling good again. However, after the cold and dark walk home from work, I've yet to make it out of my apartment and down the block to the workout room. (That's right, it's only a block away!)

I would love to be one of those people that just loooooooooves to _______ (fill in the blank with any form of exercise) but I'm not. I know and even feel all the benefits that one receives as a result of regular exercise and I value those things. So, why haven't I had a single workout this week? Do I really have to sign up for marathon after marathon just to live healthily?

CONGRATULATIONS, HEIDI!

2007-11-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

My fabulous friend, Heidi, ran the NYC Marathon today! Please, join me in congratulating this incredible woman and her amazing accomplishment. I'm so proud of you. Love ya, girl!

(This is the most recent pic I have of me and Heidi and it was taken July 2006 when I was visiting her in her beautiful city.)

Isn't This a Fantastic Tree?

2007-11-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

A Walk in the Park

2007-10-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Almost every day, I walk from the same bus stop to my apartment after work. It's a lovely walk through my neighborhood so most days, I look forward to it. Today was no different, except I was particularly appreciative of the walk. The air was crisp, the sky was a clear blue, the tree-lined street was proudly displaying the colors of fall, the sun was beginning to set and it's rays lit the trees so that they sparkled. There's a reason that fall is a favorite season for many, myself included.

As I walked toward the park, I passed a community garden and walked around to see what was growing. My knowledge of gardening and farming leaves much to be desired but I do appreciate it and hope to find a desire to learn more about it someday. In the meantime, I'll admire the gardens of others from afar and salivate over the rows of brightly colored fruits and vegetables at the Farmer's Market.

Since I'm completely engrossed in Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin's Three Cups of Tea, I've stopped to read at the park the last couple nights. It works out nicely to have a park so close to my apartment. Tonight, people were out enjoying a little touch football and frisbee. I was enjoying the company of my book, the sounds of laughter, and the spectacular sunset. This evening was a gift.

Life in Art

2007-10-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

I've told many people about the beautifully talented photographer and professor, Steve Johnson. I visit his photo journal regularly, some might even say obsessively. But the way he captures a moment is simply breathtaking. Steve, thank you for sharing your talent and adding so much beauty to my life.

*********
Since returning from San Francisco, I've one song consistently running through my mind. It's not a new song but it was the theme song for the event and I thought I'd post the lyrics so you could join me for the Melissa Etheridge marathon that's taking place in my brain.

I Run For Life
Written By Melissa Etheridge
2005, The Greatest Hits The Road Less Traveled

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

CHORUS

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To waken when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all

CHORUS

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more

Here's a statement Melissa made about the song from her website:

"Ford asked me to write a song for their "Race for the Cure" initiative to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer charities. I wanted to write a song that was personal; climb into people's emotions and portray a woman who has had breast cancer but is out of it. The first verse is about a survivor. The second verse is from my own experience and the last verse is for those who have not been diagnosed or don't know anyone with breast cancer yet. We are all running for answers and to make the situation better."

Nike Women's Marathon 2007

2007-10-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Dear friends & family,

I did it! With your support and love, I completed the Nike Women's Marathon this past Sunday. I can't believe it's over; it was an amazing experience. San Francisco is a beautiful city and what better way to see it than to follow a marathon course. (Okay, there might be a couple other options!) I didn't have a big "wow" moment at the finish line, rather, the reality of this accomplishment has been setting in a little bit each day. This is likely to be a long email so if you'd rather skip to the pictures, I'll understand. :)

Here are some facts from the event:

23,500 total runners
5,400 TNT runners (those that raised money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society)
$3,830- total raised on my behalf for the LLS
$180,000- total raised by my team
$18.5 million- total raised by all TNT teams from around the country!

All these numbers were announced at the Pasta Party on Saturday night. When we entered that party, we were greeted by all the TNT/LLS staff & coaches who were cheering from the front door all the way down the long staircase and into the convention center. I wish I could accurately describe this experience but words and even pictures (see below) fail me. It was the first of many moving moments that would occur that night. We took in all our carbs while pictures of our honored patients scrolled by on the large screens above. John "the Penguin" Bingham (columnist for Runner's World), Joan Benoit Samuelson (1st gold medalist for the first ever women's Olympic marathon), & Amy Bartlett (a recent non-Hodgkins Lymphoma survivor) gave inspirational, motivational, and emotional speeches. It was the perfect way to remind us why we were all there, why we all signed up to complete 26.2 or 13.1 miles the next morning. For anyone interested, you can Amy has a blog worth checking out- ichoosehope.com.

Me In The Midst OF An Overwhelming Greeting From TNT/LLS Staff & Coaches

Me & Jen (My Running Partner) At The Pasta Party

I was up bright and early on Sunday morning and surprisingly enough, didn't feel nervous. Although, by the time we reached the Start Line and found my family, I was anxious to get the show on the road since I was going to be out there for HOURS! We started at Union Square, passed through Fisherman's Wharf, the Presidio, Golden Gate Park, the "Great" (or "Not-so-Great," in my opinion) Highway, around Lake Merced & back down the Great Highway to the Finish Line. My dad, mom, & sister, Melissa, were able to be there for the whole weekend and I'm so grateful! It was great to see them at the Start, mile 3 and at the Finish Line cheering me on. At the recommendation of my assistant coach, I put my name on my singlet and when my family wasn't nearby to cheer for me, many others stepped in the to say "Go, Amy!" I have to say, it was such a help to hear that from complete strangers. There was so much support for all the runners/walkers, you couldn't help but smile.

A Few Teammates & A Coach Outside The Nike Tent Just Before The Start

Coach Doug & Me Waiting For The Start

The Official Start Line

Many of you have asked about the dreaded hills of San Francisco. Well, the 2 largest hills weren't so bad because I was expecting them plus, once we reached the top we were greeted with spectacular ocean views. It was a challenging course and there were more than just those 2 hills but they were smaller so sometimes I didn't realize I was going uphill, I just thought I was feeling tired. Physically, it was difficult. I was hoping to have some adrenaline thing kick in but so such luck. Instead, I had unexpected aches and pain appear at unexpected times. For example, a blister on the ball of my right foot developed around mile 15 and later, I discovered it was actually a bruise with a blister on top. And the last 5 miles, I was fighting some really bad cramping in my left calf, a result of favoring the right foot. Even with these unexpected pains, it was worth it. I finished a freakin' marathon! There were several moments when I thought about all of you. You had supported me and in some cases, told me your stories of leukemia or lymphoma. I had only one commitment, to endure through 26.2 miles. I knew many of you were thinking of me and that gave me the motivation and desire to keep going.

100 Yards From The Finish Line

The Beautiful Nike Finish Line

Theresa, Me & Jen- Teammates Just After the Race

I've learned so much through this experience and I'm so glad that my friend, Rania, dragged me to the TNT informational meeting last May. I highly encourage you to look into training for an endurance event with your local TNT chapters. I am lucky to have had this opportunity to meet so many inspiring athletes, patients and cancer survivors, to raise money for a worthy cause, and to challenge myself like never before. Thank you for your support, encouragement, advice, phone calls, emails, cards, and belief. I couldn't have done this without you, it was definitely a team effort! Thank you for being a part of my team and part of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society team.

With love and gratitude,
Amy

P.S. I have more pictures so let me know if you would like to see them and I'll send you the album once they are all collected. Enjoy!

26.2

2007-10-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm alive! I'm currently at work and don't have much time or energy to write but for anyone still reading my blog, I wanted to at least let you know that I completed the course. I am officially a marathon finisher! I'm exhausted and everything hurts but it was worth it. I'm still processing the whole weekend and I'll write more later. Until then, here are a couple pics from the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco.

100 yards from the finish line!

This is me with two of my teammates, Theresa & Jen, after the race. We all finished!

I have so many people to thank. Today, I'll start with my family that was able to come and cheer me on and those that called me over the weekend. You don't know how much that meant to me. Many more thank yous to come...

Bon Voyage...well, almost.

2007-10-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

In just 2 days, I fly out to San Francisco with my team! It's really almost here and I'm starting to get nervous. How do I know this? Because I'm procrastinating and all I want to do is sleep. I have many things to do like shopping (mainly picking up some GU), laundry, packing to figure out, papers/emails from Nike and the Society to read before take off, oh, and I need to work out! Add to this my rather full work schedule (i.e. I haven't had a day off since 10/7) and I'm a little busy. Busy with a car is one thing, busy without a car (in KC) is a whole 'nother deal. Somehow, it will all get done. It always does. And if I forget anything, I'm sure I can find it in the little town of SF.

I am looking forward to the weekend and the marathon but I must admit, I'm also looking forward to it being over. I can't wait to have my life back. Until then, I'm trying to be present throughout the final moments of this experence. I probably won't blog again until I return but if you're looking for something to do Sunday morning, feel free to send a good thought my way.

Cheers!

Today...

2007-10-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

...I'm at work so feel free to call me. I'm open to any and all distractions.

*********
...is the one week mark! Unbelievable. One week from this very moment, I'll be in the midst of the Nike Women's Marathon. I've had my last Saturday run, which we did on our own since it turned out to be quite the stormy morning, and our coach says we're ready. This week, we have a very light training schedule and while I'm looking forward to that, it feels strange. I'll be drinking lots of water, eating well, and going to bed early every day. Jealous? My rock star life simply must be put on hold for this week.

A couple more thank yous for generous donations to the LLS~

Greg & Sionnie LaFollette
Danielle & Jeremiah Frink

Thank you, friends!

**********
...my friend, Will, who's in the studio with us this week, talked about his grandparents. Their names are Thelma and Hardy. How great is that?! Oh, and Hardy is one of 18 natural born children, no multiple births. Those were the days...

One Down, One To Go

2007-10-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

When I took on this marathon challenge, I made two commitments to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and to myself.

1- I agreed to raise a minimum of $3800 for the cause. I set the goal a little higher, $4000 seemed like a nice round number.
2- I agreed to follow a training schedule and complete a 26.2 miles in honor of those touched by blood-related cancers.

Last night, I went to a team meeting and found out that my first goal has been reached. I was so excited! Thanks to the many wonderful people who made contributions to the Society on my behalf, I've raised just over $3800. What an honor it is to have such generous people in my life.

Now, there's just one more goal to reach in this adventure. Workouts this week have been strong and knowing there's just a week and a half remaining, I have all the motivation I need to keep going. Every day, the excitement builds and yet some disbelief is still present. Is it really possible that in eleven days I'll be on a marathon course in San Francisco and that this five month journey will have come to an end? That's crazy...and not worth focusing on at the moment. Instead, I'm going to enjoy these upcoming days and attempt to be as present as possible in each moment.

Today's thank you goes to the one and only, Laci Scott!

Happy Birthday, Luke!

2007-10-09T12:59:00.000-07:00

I miss you and love you and hope you're having a fantastic day!

Thanks & Football

2007-10-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

This is exciting, I have more people to thank! THANK YOU, MICHELLE BARTO & KELLY JACKSON!

The current total is $3554, that's 89% of the goal! There's still time, in fact, I think there will be at least another day to make online donations. (I'll find out more at a meeting tomorrow night.) So, if you haven't already, give, give, give!

***********

Monday Night Football- I'm off to watch Buffalo play at home. Go Bills!

*Edit- I am NOT watching the game because it's NOT on NBC. I am NOT happy. Since when is Monday Night Football on ESPN?! My whole family is watching the game. I am NOT watching the game, I do NOT have cable. Did I mention I am NOT happy?

2 Weeks From Now...

2007-10-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

I will be a marathon finisher! I'll be honest, I can't wait to make that declaration! I'm really looking forward to the weekend: the experience of walking/running alongside 15,000 other people, many of whom are there to support the same cause, hearing the total amount of money raised for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, seeing my mom, dad & sister at the finish line, getting to know San Francisco. I've even excited about all the emotions (& pain) that I'll feel throughout the event. I have an idea of what I'll be feeling at each stage but you never really now until you're in that moment. It's all part of the great adventure.

I have just 2 days until all the money is to be raised and turned into the office. I have amazingly generously people in my life. This generosity has been displayed in many ways, one of which has been financial. Fundraising is pretty new to me, I usually shy away from asking people for money, especially this much money. This was an opportunity to challenge myself for an organization that I knew helped many. I've learned a lot and I'm grateful for the overwhelming response from my family and friends. At this moment, we've raised $3,354! I can't thank you enough.

I have people to thank that I don't even know. The last 2 weekends, I've gone out with teammates to boot block, meaning that I stood at a well-traveled intersection with a sign, wearing my TNT t-shirt, and asking passersby for donations. It's actually pretty fun. People are glad to give a dollar to help find a cure for cancer, someone even gave me a $10 bill yesterday! Admittedly, it's also funny to see how hard some people try to avoid making eye contact with you. :) I still have about $450 to raise in order to reach my minimum committment so perhaps I'll be at an intersection near you!

To my ever growing list of people to thank, today I add:

Dre Baly
Debbie Schnitzer
Melissa, Luke & Andrea W.

The next 2 weeks will be focused on final preparations. I look forward to my workouts and taking advantage of these last strength building opportunities. And I look forward to the final fundraising steps, as well. Thank you for reading my ramblings. Your support and participation in my life are priceless.

Observations Between 5pm and 7:30pm

2007-10-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

I left my apartment about five o'clock this evening to begin my grocery shopping journey. Generally, this is a two hour task but tonight, it was a bit longer. Here's a bit of what occurred in this span of two and a half hours:

- At 5:07pm, I boarded the bus that passes through my neighborhood, cart in hand. I'm armed and ready for this journey.
- On this bus, a woman compliments my cart and proceeds to list it's many uses. I found this rather humurous.
- We actually encountered traffic in my neighborhood...this is unusual.
- At 5:19pm, I boarded a second, rather crowded, bus. Also, unusual...at least, for me.
- Most passengers were headed home and several were adorned with iPods. There are times that I wish I had an iPod but I can't relate to those that must have direct sound at all times. I like silence sometimes or just the natural sounds of the day.
- One 20-something guy generously gives up his seat to a woman. Lovely.
- Bus arrives at my stop at 5:50pm. On my walk from the stop to the store, a mom and her two young boys deboard their bus. The boys are in matching school uniforms and they have at least one more bus ride before they arrive home. There is something so beautiful about a mom and her children traveling via the bus. She must be a strong and patient woman. Motherhood- the hardest job on earth. Motherhood while depending on public transportation in Kansas City- harder than that.
- I repacked my groceries to fit in my cart and was back at the bus stop by 6:26pm where I ran into an old bus-riding friend.
- Another crowded bus...weird. It's also a malfunctioning bus, as every time the driver needed to extend the ramp for passengers in wheelchairs, it wouldn't go back into gear. She quickly figured out that if she restarted the bus, everything worked fine...until the next time the ramp was used.
- Some were getting frustrated with the bus (not the driver) because they were trying to make connections and we were running significantly behind schedule. At this point, I overheard this little exchange:
Guy #1- "I tell people all the time, if you're in a hurry, you ain't enjoying your life."
Guy #2- "I tell people, if you're in a hurry, don't take the bus."
- Later, I overheard a different guy saying: "Responsibility is a hell of a lesson to learn. It took prison for me to get it."
- Of course, I'm one of the people who missed a connection due to our lateness. Thankfully, it was a beautiful day so the uphill walk with a full cart of groceries was enjoyed.
- Oh, and my final observation of this journey: there were 2 girls walking in front of me, one in a pair of shorts and her thighs never met. I hate her.

Are your trips to the grocery store at all similar?

The Pressure's On!

2007-10-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

As you know, in less than 3 weeks, I'm participating in my first marathon with a goal to raise $4000 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Well, I just found out that my FUNDRAISING DEADLINE IS OCTOBER 8TH, just 1 week away! Somehow, I missed this detail and thought I still had a few weeks. Some of you have mentioned that you plan to make a donation, well, now's the time.

Throughout this 4 month journey, I've had the pleasure of meeting people who have battled and won their fight against blood related cancers, some who are in the midst of their fight, and others who have lost loved ones to leukemia or lymphoma. On Saturday, one TNT alumnus told a story about the finish of her first marathon. When she crossed the finish line, a small boy stood quietly holding a sign that read, "you did this for me." That's what it's all about. Also on Saturday, a young girl, about 4 years old, came with her parents to encourage and support us in our training. She has leukemia and I imagine, they wanted us to know who we were helping. They didn't say a word. Their presence was enough.

Your contributions are helping these children as well as many adults. I'm hoping to raise the final 20% this week. Will you help? There is no donation too small, every dollar counts. Please, consider making a donation today and feel free to pass along my fundraising website to your friends and family. Website no longer active.

Thank you to all who have partnered with me and The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. New additions to this list of generous partners are:

Jeff & Amy Turner
Greg Bish

THANK YOU!

Life Is Beautiful

2007-09-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

I saw Roberto Benigni's movie for the first time last weekend and I cried. Incidentally, this is becoming a more frequent part of my movie watching experience. While I didn't cry when I came across this story, it still resonated with me. If you know me, you know that I love NYC. I don't know what it is about certain places that produce that spontaneous internal response. Last weekend, it was Life Is Beautiful, today, it was Raul's story and yesterday, it was pictures of Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia. My heart ached when I saw that familiar park. In part, it's about a sense of belonging. Guido, Dora, and Giosue belonged together. Philly was the first city I connected with as an adult. And everyone belongs in NYC, it is a true melting pot.

Anyway, if you have any affinity for NYC, I think you would appreciate this account of one person's random Wednesday night.

Don't Tell My Coach...

2007-09-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

because I don't think ice cream for dinner is part of the approved marathon training diet. But it was yummy. And I'm not sorry. Or feeling guilty. Sometimes a girl just needs ice cream for dinner.

22.

2007-09-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

"It hurts up to a point and then it doesn't get any worse." Ann Trason

I fully understand that quote and I found it helpful to remind myself of it throughout the course. It's good to know it will hurt. What will hurt? Everything will hurt. But the pain's not going away and you still have mileage left to complete so get over it. Those are some of the things than went through my mind today. Other thoughts included: "I can do this," "I will not quit," "I am strong", "Just one foot in front of the other," "Have you hit a brick wall? Aim higher and jump over it," "My only job is to endure."

Several people have asked me how I felt after completing the 22 miles. My honest answer is, I don't know. It's strange. Perhaps I'm not able to process it just yet because I'm so tired. But it mostly feels the same as ever other week where the mileage has been increased. Every time I am challenged like this, I am sore in the same exact way. There's some comfort in that but it also makes the fact that I completed 22 MILES today a bit...anticlimactic. Now, don't get me wrong, I am proud of myself and my team. I feel great about knowing that I WILL finish the Nike Women's Marathon in 4 weeks.

My body has never been worked like this before so it's been an interesting journey. Training for a marathon is just as much a mental challenge as it is a physical challenge. I had heard that before but now I've experienced it. Thank you to my family, friends and teammates who have been so encouraging over the last 4 months. I couldn't have gotten this far without you.

There are two people I'd like to mention, my dear friends, Lisa and Heidi. Lisa will be running the Beijing Marathon the same day that I am running/walking Nike and Heidi is running the NYC Marathon two weeks later. I find inspiration in these women so when you think about me, think about them, too. Good luck, ladies! We can do this!

5 Weeks

2007-09-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

The Nike Women's Marathon is in just 5 weeks! I can't believe it. It feels like I just started training last week but in reality, it all began 4 months ago. I'm definitely getting nervous, a theme that's likely to repeat over the coming weeks of blog entries...sorry, in advance.

Today was another 8 mile day so it wasn't too bad. The hardest part was that I did it by myself on the treadmill. I didn't know until late last night that my usual ride was out of town this weekend and I didn't have enough time to come up with a plan B. I'll be sure to have the transportation situation set up for next week because it's a long one and I will certainly need my team and I want to be there to support them, as well. So, this morning, I slept in until about 8:00 and then spent the next 45 minutes talking myself into getting on the treadmill. I used the "Pumkin Spice Latte Motivation Technique" (PSLMT) with great success. When I finished my workout, I put on a sweatshirt, (that's right, I didn't even shower) grabbed my bag, walked to Starbucks, placed my order, and sat in the window writing in my journal and sipping on the tasty treat. When I was done writing, I caught up on phone calls with family and walked home. It's a perfect day for a walk, sunny but cool. I love mornings like this.

Next Saturday, I'll need more than the PSLMT to get me through the 22 miles scheduled for that day. So, this entire week will be focused on positve thoughts. (Warning to all Kansas Citians: This means there's a good chance that I'll be talking to myself more often than usual. Do not be alarmed. Feel free to look but try not to stare, that's just embarassing.) It's going to be hard but it will also be exciting. I mean, 22 miles is no joke. I'll have to come up with something really great to celebrate. Maybe a venti latte.

Fall It Must Be

2007-09-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

There was the obvious change in the weather last week. And school buses appeared more frequently. The sight of a small boy protesting his first day of school and a heartbroken father having to physically put the scared boy onto the big yellow transportation vehicle. The first required sweatshirt. Football. All of these things suggested that fall was more than "on it's way." However, I didn't believe. That is until yesterday. Somehow, I had forgotten about this treat that accompanies my favorite season. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, fall has arrived. Welcome back, my dear friend, my dear addiction.

And We're Back

2007-09-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

After 2 weeks of missing team runs, I headed out at 5:30 this morning to join my team in the 8 mile run/walk. As nice as it was to be on vacation, it felt good to be back out on the trails and into a good training routine again. I missed a 20 mile run last weekend which was making me feel very behind. But I have one more long one (22 miles) before the mileage decreases and we approach marathon day so I'm trying to focus and hope that I'll be ready.

These trail runs have been a lesson in nature. I think I mentioned the roosters that accompanied my run in Houghton and the deer that came to visit during a challenging hill training course. Well, today we met a beaver swimming down the creek and later a blue heron chilling out in the middle of the same creek. I love that. We also witnessed a grown man running in a blue one-piece speedo. (It looked like a women's one piece bathing suit but on a man.) There was nothing natural about that!

I bought some socks and new running shoes after training today. Why is it so hard to decide which running shoes will be best? I'm going to try these on the treadmill this week and see what I think but it was harder than I expected. I wanted to put my foot in a shoe and say "these feel great!" No such luck. Hopefully, these will work anyway. After all, they have to take me across the finish line in just 6 weeks! Yikes.

Thank you to these lovely people who have recently made donations:

Don & Lori Chaffer
Kathy & Tom Tehee
Lisa Zeshonski

I'm off to take a nap and then party the night away at Mary's wedding. :) Congratulations, Mary & Jarod!

From Sea to Shining Sea

2007-09-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

Some people live in the same town their whole lives, some move every year or so, and some fall in between. I average 2 years in any one location. My sister, Melissa, moved to DC right after college and stayed there until last Tuesday morning when she got in her car to begin her cross country move. That's 8 years in the same beautiful city. I was able to join her for 2 of her 4 days on the road. That's right, just me, Melissa and the open road. It was fantastic. We drove through Kansas and Oklahoma...

the Texas Panhandle (home of Laci Scott!)...

New Mexico (this picture does not do justice to this most beautiful state)...

Arizona, which presented some of the most interesting plant life I've ever seen...

and finally, California...

and more specifically, Los Angeles, where Melissa took pictures of any sign mentioning the city while I attempted to keep us alive on the freeways of LA...

In her defense, I had one job while I wasn't driving and that was to make sure and get a picture of the "Welcome to California" sign. We were crossing and admiring the lovely Colorado River and BAM! There it was. The sign. Melissa hit my leg several times while repeating "get your camera, get your camera" or something similar. Have you ever tried to turn on a digital camera and take a quick picture? They do not respond with the speed one would hope. Here's the result...

Sad, I know. Thankfully, we had a good time otherwise and I think I've been forgiven. We met my parents and my brother, Ben, who had flown out for a visit as well. I saw my parents' new apartment and neighborhood, met some of their friends & co-workers at a party my parents hosted, experienced Ben's culinary skills first hand, spent time with extended family, and of course, went to the beach. Seeing the water is a must for every coastal visit! All in all, a great trip. Everyone should be so lucky to drive across our beautiful country and share the experience with a sister. Thanks for letting me share it with you and may LA be good to you, Melissa!

Is it really Saturday?

2007-08-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

I know, you're expecting an update on today's team run. Well, I'm at work...alone (although, that's quite another story) so I wasn't able to join the team for the weekly run. In fact, I'll be missing 2 weeks in a row since I'll be out of town next weekend. (I'm helping my sister move to LA; it's gonna be great!) In the meantime, I'm working a 10 day week and hoping I can find the energy and drive to complete all my training in the midst of this insanity. This means I MUST complete today's 8 miles on a treadmill when I get home from work. And I gotta tell ya, after the morning I've had, that does not sound at all enticing. Anybody have any motivating tidbits to offer?

By the way, you may have noticed that I never document my times for these run/walk distances. And I never will. So for those waiting to find out how long it takes me to complete 26.2 miles, I'm sorry to disappoint you. My goal is simply to complete the mileage in the allotted time...whick is approx. 7.5 hours with the early start. I'm not a runner. Maybe someday I will be a runner but for now, I'm a person putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes a bit faster, somtimes a bit slower.